Amazing Divine Synchronicity August 13, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Detachment.Tags: 12 Steps, Bible, Christianity, Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Judgment, Love, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
add a comment
I have been struggling with the re-emergence of a guy in my life that I once had deep feelings for. I have been struggling with the way he is living his life. I am no saint, by any means; but after many years of not being in touch, to hear of the way he is living and justifying his life surprises me.
In the midst of this struggle, I opened to a daily reading. It was from Teresa of Avila’s “Interior Castle” and this is what it said: “Let us look at our own shortcomings and leave other’s alone. . . . There is no reason why we should expect everyone else to travel by our own road, and we should not attempt to point them to the spiritual path when perhaps we don’t know what it is.”
I looked up and laughed, amazed at Divine Synchronicity. . . . And to think there are times when I have difficulty believing!
Teresa goes on to say that we might learn important lessons from the people who shock us. Indeed, it may help define more clearly what is life giving to us and who we are.
Get the focus off of him; and get it back on yourself and what you need to do to live in ways that are life giving for you.
Raising What Was Left For Dead July 18, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Believe, Change.Tags: 12 Steps, AA, Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Religion, Salvation, Sin, Spirituality
add a comment
Have you ever felt absolutely, utterly lifeless? Have your choices ever left you wandering in a valley of despair and regret? Have life circumstances, broken relationships or betrayal ever left you paralyzed and with a sense of utter hopelessness for the future? Has an addiction ever held you so tightly within its prison walls that you felt no means of escape?
In such times it is difficult to believe in the reality of any Power that could lift us beyond what seems like a living grave. . . . Yet, that is our hope and, frankly, that IS our reality. There IS a Power that can lift us up. If I look back on my life experience I see clearly how this Power has raised me to new life on various occasions; and I need to call on this Source again. Traditional religious language would call this “salvation.”
I try to do it all myself. Or rather, I get so caught up in paralysis that I do NOTHING. But once I am able to call upon this Power and DO SOMETHING that will help connect me to It (like prayer, meditation, reading a meditation, etc.) – EVEN IF I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT AND DON’T FEEL A BIT CONNECTED IN THE PROCESS – once I do this Something begins to lift me.
Today as I meditated, I chanted a hymn from the Camaldolese Morning Prayer. The words of the first verse struck me:
“God’s glory, Christ, our new dawned Day,
In deep compassion for our earth
Has raised what we had left for dead,
And healed what sin* had brought to birth.”
*Read here “weakness, addiction, sickness, brokenness, betrayal, poor choices, etc.”
The Power is there to raise what we had left for dead.
First Things First April 21, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Anxiety, Contemplative Value, Spiritual "Practice".Tags: 12 Step Work, AA, Bible, Centering, Christianity, Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Meditation, Prayer, Religion, Spirituality
3 comments
Can you relate to this?
Why is it that when I hit a stressful time in life, the very things – like meditation and exercise – that would help relieve stress, are the very first things to get bumped from the daily routine? It’s like something within me says, “there’s no time for this!” And so, I begin to shave these things from my daily routine. Then over time, I wonder why I am getting more stressed, having difficulty sleeping and focusing!
In reality, these are the most important things NOT to bump from the schedule in the midst of a difficult time. They are the very life-blood that keeps me grounded. Without them, all else begins to suffer – my work, my relationships, even my play time!
I lay awake last night, once again, feeling the pent up energy in my body and my restless spirit as my mind whirled. I have not exercised in a while. No wonder I am having difficulty sleeping. So much pent up energy! I have not really given myself to meditation in a while. No wonder I have difficulty focusing!
The irony is this: when I bump meditation and exercise from the schedule, it seems I don’t have enough time. When I take the time to meditate and exercise, it seems as if I have much more time on my hands, time even to play!
First things first. What are the REALLY important things that I need to maintain in order to live well, even in the midst of a stressful time?
The Truth Will Set You Free April 1, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Change, Truth.Tags: 12 Steps, AA, Bible, Catholicism, Christianity, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Lent, Personal Growth, Personal Improvement, Relationships
2 comments
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8: 31).
Did you ever try to run from the truth? Have you, or are you hiding something from your partner? Have you ever, or are you now living in denial about some negative behavior in your life?
OR
Have you ever, or are you now not acknowledging the truth of your goodness, what you have to offer to others, the gift that you are?
We spend tremendous amounts of energy hiding from the truth. No wonder we’re so tired out at times. Once we acknowledge the truth, it’s like a heavy weight is lifted from our shoulders and we begin to know what it is to walk through life with a bit of a lilt in our step.
For years I hid the truth of who I was. I hid it from others and I hid it from myself. I lived in a prison of fear and struggle, fighting these feelings I had for those of my own sex. After all, if I was “one of those” I was told I was headed to hell! I will always remember the spring day when I first uttered those words out loud: “I am gay.” I was shaking. I was so frightened; . . . and yet exhilarated at the same time as I felt myself being freed. And you know what? After I said it, the world didn’t come to an end. As a matter of fact it felt like a two ton weight was lifted off of me. The truth set me free.
Perhaps there is a truth within that you are struggling to acknowledge. It might be a negative behavior that you’re hiding, or it might be realizing and acknowledging your giftedness. Perhaps it might be good to sit and feel the weight, the pressure, all the energy that you’re spending hiding that truth. Do you really want to live this way? The first step to living more fully is acknowledging the truth. In A.A. they say: “We ADMITTED we were powerless over alcohol.” It is the admission, the acknowledgement that is the first step to freedom. The truth will set us free!
You Want to Live? March 4, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Addiction, Change, Happiness, Lent.Tags: AA, Addiction, Bible, Catholicism, Change, Christianity, Church, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, GLBT, Lent, Personal Growth, Queer, Religion, Spirituality, Twelve Steps
2 comments
Jonah 3: 1-10
If someone told you that if you didn’t stop doing something you would soon be dead, would you stop doing that thing which is destroying you? I think most of us, if given the chance would indeed stop and choose to live! Jonah called out to the people, telling them that if they didn’t change they would soon be dead; and the people quickly turned from their death dealing ways and chose life.
Most of the time, we don’t have a Jonah though. We don’t have someone telling us to stop some negative pattern of behavior so that we might experience the best Life has to offer. Or if we do, we take their call to us as a personal affront, instead of seeing it as a gesture of love and concern for our well being. Most of the time we go about our negative habits or patterns of thinking or behavior totally denying how they are affecting us and those around us.
Don’t you want to really live? Don’t you want to get out there and drink life in?
When we’re caught in some bad habit, some negative pattern it literally sucks the life out of us, doesn’t it? Think about some negative thinking you might have, some negative behavior, some ingrained bad habit. Doesn’t it sap the life out of you, not to mention those around you?
I believe that God wants us to live, wants us to drink life in and get rid of those things that hold us from doing just that. Lent then really isn’t about gloom and doom. It’s about rising from the graves that we’ve built for ourselves. It’s about naming the lie that this or that behavior is going to make me feel better; when in reality it’s sucking the life out of me! It’s about letting go of that which has kept us mired in winter’s lifelessness. It’s about taking some small step away from something which is killing us or those around us and stepping into a new springtime of living!
Naked and in the Groove March 2, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Addiction, Change, Lent, Personal Growth.Tags: Catholicism, Change, Christianity, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Lent, Love, Personal Growth, Queer, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
add a comment
I recently heard a talk in which the speaker described an animal that had been born in a zoo. After some years they built a multi-million dollar display, simulating the natural habitat for the animal, thinking that it would create a better, happier space for the animal. When it was released into its new space, much to their surprise, it stayed to one small area. It only walked the same path over and over, creating a rut in the ground, which got deeper as time went on. The animal had all this beautiful space, but it stayed in that one little rut and didn’t roam elsewhere! The speaker went on to say: aren’t we like that sometimes? We get in a rut, doing and thinking the same things over and over – missing so much of what could be if we just got out of the rut.
If you’ve read my last couple of meditations, you’ll know that I spoke of Lent as an opportunity to “get naked” to remove the “cloak” that holds us from being more present to life, to others and to God. When we, with the help of a Power greater than ourselves, remove whatever that is and stand naked in life, present, alive and aware – we get outa the rut and into the groove!
Suddenly, we begin to live again! Suddenly we look around and see so much of life around us. We slowly crawl out of that rut and begin, perhaps fearfully at first, to wander out into the beauty that we have been missing. All that beauty, all those people, all those possibilities suddenly open up before us – because we have had the courage to name that which keeps us all bound up, because we have had the courage to call on a Power greater than ourselves to free us.
Have you named the cloak that you need to remove, the cloak that keeps you separated from life, from others and from God? Have you called on a Higher Power to help you, trusting that the help WILL come? Is the cloak beginning to fall away?
Are you getting out of the rut, and into the groove?
Hibernate A Little! January 16, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Balance.Tags: Christianity, Contemplation, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Hibernation, Personal Space, Queer, Religion, Spirituality, Winter
add a comment
After a long stretch of days taken in work and interuptions, I finally had a day yesterday to myself. It was a day spent in catching up on laundry, cleaning the house, taking down Christmas decorations and putting the house in order. I also took the afternoon to do some reading and the evening to make some phone calls and connect with some people I haven’t talked to in a while.
I suddenly felt human again!
This sacred space of “no-thing” held within it an energy that renewed my life force, which of late has been greatly drained. Without such spaces in life, I am less present to people emotionally, get less done in more time and find myself “restless, irritable and discontent” (RID as they say in 12 Step Programs).
I am once again reminded of not only the value of, but the necessity of taking such times if we are to live and love well.
Why not hibernate a little this winter?
Healing Presence January 9, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Community, Relationships.Tags: 12 Step Spirituality, Alcoholics Anonymous, Christianity, Community, Dating, Friendship, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Lover, Presence, Religion, Spirituality
add a comment
Did you ever know someone in whose presence you felt connected, peaceful and refreshed? We literally are healed by such people. We draw strength from them. When we walk about life alone, or trying to do it all ourselves this may work for a while. But gradually we loose our life force and begin to whither on the vine. Conversely when we open ourselves to healing presence in others, life takes on new meaning and it’s as if our spirit comes alive with this new food. “Not by bread alone do we live!” We need the “food” of others in order to live well in this life.
Some of us, because of past hurts, tend to crawl into our shells, afraid to depend on others, afraid to open our hearts or even ask for simple help. Perhaps this initially feels the safer way to go about life; but gradually we begin to die, perhaps not physically, but our spirits begin to whither. Is this any way to live?
It’s no accident that creeds, mission statemets and the 12 Steps begin with the word “we.” None of us can do it alone. Yes, in opening ourselves to others, to groups, to churches, to lovers – we may indeed get hurt. But what’s the alternative? A safe, but lifeless existence?
Who are the people from whom you can draw healing and strength? How are you called to be healing presence for others?
Happy New YOU! January 3, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Change.Tags: 12 Steps, Alcoholics Anonymous, Christianity, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Personal Growth, Religion, Spirituality, The Serenity Prayer
1 comment so far
Do you like who you are? Do you like where your life is these days? As you look to your future, do you like the direction that you’re headed?
Did you ever get to one of those points in your life where you just wanted your life to be so different than what it is? What do we do when we hit such a wall? The previous reflection I think helps. Accept that that’s the way things are for right now. BUT, don’t stop there. The serenity prayer is helpful here, a prayer that is often prayed at 12 Step Meetings: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference!”
If you are wanting to run away, if you are sitting there wishing your life was different – something is obviously wrong. What is it that’s bothering you? What is it that you would like to see change in your life? Can you do anything about that? If you can, what little action could you take today to “change the things you can?” Even one small action today can make a tremendous difference in getting you on a new road. What small step can you take today that will begin to create a new you?
This morning I concluded my prayer using the closing prayer from The People’s Companion to the Breviary. I was struck by this phrase: “Let the birth of Jesus be a new birth for us (p.320).” May it indeed be a new birth for us! Happy New YOU!
Holiday Blues? Get Outside Yourself. December 16, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Advent/Christmas.Tags: 12 Steps, Alcoholics Anonymous, Chrimstas, Depression, Gay, Gay Christian, Gayy Catholic, Holiday Blues, Religion, Self Help, Spirituality, The Holidays
add a comment
For those of you who might feel a little down lately, know you’re not alone. Many people get down this time of year with all the hype, romance, and hustle that this season can be. As I wrote yesterday, I too have realized that I’ve been dealing with a lot of negative thinking and need to change my thoughts.
12 Step programs have a bit of wisdom to offer those of us who feel a bit down, who wallow in self pity, or who deal with a lot of negative thinking. Get out of yourself! Many times in 12 step meetings you will hear this bit of advise given. If you’re feeling down, wallowing in self pity or in stinking thinking – go help someone. Go help another addict, another person who is struggling in some way. Get out of yourself and just go help someone. This will make you feel better.
I did just that yesterday when I visited a woman in a nursing home, who I know is lonely. When I walked in the room her face literally lit up like a Christmas tree and she hugged me tightly. She was so happy that I had come to visit, if even for a little while. I don’t know who benfitted more though. All I know is that I felt a lot better having seen her.
Feeling some holiday blues? The prescription: Get out of yourself. Take it. You’ll feel better.
