Hibernate A Little! January 16, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Balance.Tags: Christianity, Contemplation, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Hibernation, Personal Space, Queer, Religion, Spirituality, Winter
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After a long stretch of days taken in work and interuptions, I finally had a day yesterday to myself. It was a day spent in catching up on laundry, cleaning the house, taking down Christmas decorations and putting the house in order. I also took the afternoon to do some reading and the evening to make some phone calls and connect with some people I haven’t talked to in a while.
I suddenly felt human again!
This sacred space of “no-thing” held within it an energy that renewed my life force, which of late has been greatly drained. Without such spaces in life, I am less present to people emotionally, get less done in more time and find myself “restless, irritable and discontent” (RID as they say in 12 Step Programs).
I am once again reminded of not only the value of, but the necessity of taking such times if we are to live and love well.
Why not hibernate a little this winter?
You Wanna Play? November 14, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Balance, Creativity, Play.Tags: Fun, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gay Life, gay spirituality, Play, Recreation, Relaxation, Religion, Spirituality
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One important aspect of living a spiritual path that I often overlook is play. We have a tendency to get so serious about our spiritual lives, or life in general. Work, running here and there, getting things done, taking care of our kids, being responsible etc. Very little time is given to play. And usually we don’t think much about this lack of play time as adults. But, imagine if we never gave our children time to play. Suddenly the importance of play in life is put into perspective.
We know that in children play is a stress reliever and an energy release. We know that it helps in the development of free imagination. It relaxes the mind and the body. We know that play time usually means happy time. Imagine what life would be for children if they were never allowed to play, or had very little time for it. They’d probably crack. Why is it then that we so easily discount play as adults?
Play has the same restorative effect on us as it does on children. It gives us a psychic break, allows the mind and spirit to breath and in this breathing, imagination and creativity are given birth. Far from being a waste of time, play, like prayer, is essential in re-energizing us for life’s work.
Spend some time playing each week!
Call Me Mary! October 7, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Balance, Contemplative Value.Tags: Balance, Contemplation, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, Martha and Mary, Religion, Spirituality
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“Mary has chosen the better portion and she shall not be deprived of it.”
See Luke 10: 38-42
In a world that canonizes the “Martha’s” of the world, those who go, go, go and work, work, work, I am so grateful for this story – because I’m definitely a “Mary.” The society in which we live canonizes work. The more we can produce, the better. The more we can get out of an employee for the least amount of pay, the better.
There are Mary’s and there are Martha’s in the world. I have some friends who are Martha’s. They are the movers and shakers, the ones who get things done. Not that I don’t get anything done, but I envy the energy that I see in these people and have always felt a bit of guilt because I don’t seem to have that same energy. I am however passionate, a dreamer, one who, I’ve been told, has a way of inspiring and moving people. It is only when I am rooted in my inner “Mary” that this passion thrives. When I run all over like Martha, with many worries and concerns, the passion within me freezes, gets paralyzed.
I am so grateful for the Martha’s in my life. And I think the Martha’s in my life are grateful for the Mary in me. A balance between the two is probably optimum in living life well.
And, as an aside, what a great thing for Jesus to get all those men pissed off by allowing Mary, A WOMAN, to sit in the company of men and listen to the teacher! This is the real clincher of the story. Women were indeed deprived of learning and were not to be in the company of men. We only need watch the movie “Yentl” to get a sense of what that was like. Jesus, here, as in many places, takes the assumed religious/cultural understanding and turns in upside down! You go boy!
Waste Any Time Lately? October 1, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Balance, Contemplative Value.Tags: Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Meditation, Prayer, Productivity, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
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Yesterday I spoke of the benefit of religious/spiritual experience and the gratitude I hold in my heart for this gift. Today I am encouraged to keep at it, to keep doing those things that I need to do to stay centered.
“Whoever puts their hand to the plow and keeps looking back (i.e, keeps getting distracted, or in the mind) is unfit for the reign of God (i.e., cannot experience the power of God).” See Luke 9: 57-62
The importance of sticking with my practice, that which keeps me centered, has become obvious to me over the past couple of weeks when I’ve been without electricity and very busy with work. Actually, the past couple of months I’ve been without a “Sabbath” day, a time of rest, reading, reflection, prayer. Life has been filled with responding to various needs, people and work situations, which have placed my normal weekly Sabbath on the back burner. As a result, I have not felt as centered and have begun to rely on my own power instead of that which can carry me through my days.
This experience again reminds me of the importance of building into our lives some “Sabbath” time. Far from being a waste of time, it can produce within us an energy that can make us much more productive than if we kept running here and there. I know for myself, without some Sabbath time that keeps me centered in my spiritual practice, I don’t produce good work. When I take this waste of time, my work is given passion, energy and comes alive.
If, like me, your spiritual practice has been placed on the back burner due to busyness, demands of partners, children, work or the like, perhaps it’s time to “put your hand to the plow” as it were and take even a little “Sabbath” time. In so doing, we will discover a Power within that can do much more in us than we could by ourselves.
Like the Spring of a Watch: Balance August 8, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Balance, Contemplative Value.Tags: Balance, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Personal Growth, Queer, Religion, Self Help, Spirituality
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Some years ago while on a 30 day retreat, the man who directed me in that retreat asked me to do some painting; just random painting, whatever came to me. One of the works that I produced was a simple spiral in dark blue. When I showed him the work, he asked if the movement of the spiral was outward or inward. I said, at the time, that is was outward.
Yesterday, while talking with a friend of mine who is a monk, I spoke of this same circle and something different struck me. I told him that the movement of the spiral was both inward and outward; and that the outward movement was dependent on the inward movement. Any outward work, music, writing, public speaking, socializing and loving that I do is based in and dependent on the inward movement. In other words, the heart of all that I do is based on the contemplative movement inward. That’s why I resonate with the archetype of monk in the world. The spiral then has become an inward and outward dynamic, like the spring of an old watch, that keeps me moving forward. It is the balanced energy of the spring moving inward and outward that keeps the watch running. If there is too much inward movement, the spring is in danger of getting too tightly wound, collapsing in on itself and stunting further growth and dynamism. If the spring is too outwardly directed, energy is dispersed aimlessly outward and the spring is in danger of getting sprung, becoming useless.
The essence of who I am is defined in the inward movement. The outward movement then becomes a manifestation of the centered point within. Without it, I am lifeless and lack forward movement! Is your spring well balanced?
Why Are We Afraid of It? – Silence II August 6, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Balance.Tags: Balance, Catholicism, Chrisitianity, Gay, GLBT, Peace, Queer, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
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I sense that there is something, an energy, that wants to keep us away from silence. Part of it stems from the lull of consumerism. We are bombarded with messages that say we need this or that to make us happy. Perhaps if we entered the silence we would find that we don’t need all of those things we think we need, that in fact, we need very little. Are we are held in a state of frenzy to keep the economic machine going? Or perhaps, as Eckhart Tolle says, if we sense an incompleteness within and find ourselves reaching out for this or that thing or situation we are ego driven, in the mind and simply not present to Life. (See The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment). If we don’t become aware of this we then find ourselves in a perpetual state of reaching for something or someone outside of ourselves to complete us or make us happy.
There is also something within us that wants to hold us from the silence. We are so conditioned to think that if we just worked more, tried harder, pushed ourselves further, that we would somehow arrive in life – whatever and wherever that place is. And yes, we need to work to bring ideas into reality, no question. But we get to a point where we are conditioned to think that silence, doing no – thing, is a waste of precious time. We have so much to do and simply don’t have the time for silence. When in reality, can we afford not to enter into the silence?? Look at our frenzied lives. Look at our world. Look at our relationships. Would they not all benefit from taking some time in silence and quiet to be renewed? Wouldn’t your Partner, your children or your co-workers like to experience a kinder, gentler you?
Silence – Try It and See What Happens! August 5, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Balance, Contemplative Value.Tags: Balance, Catholicism, Christianity, Monk, Personal Growth, Religion, Retreat, Self Help, Spirituality
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We have no idea how frenzied we are!
I write this the first morning of a time of retreat in Big Sur, California at The Hermitage. When I arrived last night I was talking to one of the monks and said that I am always initially “assaulted” by the silence here. He was struck by the word “assaulted.” But that indeed is what it feels like!
In our day to day living it’s as if we are lulled into this frenzy of noise and activity that we don’t even notice over time. It’s like a drug that keeps us numb to the deeper reality of Life and the awesome power it has to offer. We walk through life like robots, going here and there, running; and for some reason, we get to a point where we’re afraid of the silence. It feels uncomfortable. We need some noise, the radio or TV in the background, the flash of images on the internet, the rush of activity in the city or within our own homes. We NEED it, like an addict who feels like they need a drug to function in life, without which they would fall apart. And when the radios, TV’s, internet, the rush of our daily life and even the day to day phone calls to family and friends that we feel we can’t live without – when these are taken away, our senses are “assaulted” by the silence. Something within us feels betrayed – like an addict who has his drug taken away.
Ah, . . . But if we give ourselves to the silence, if even for a few moments, let alone a time apart from the norm of our living, we will there discover a stream of energy and vision that the barrage of incessant activity could never quite accomplish. Ironic hugh? It is the no-thingness of silence that gives energy and purpose to our activity. Without it, we’re like hamsters on a running wheel, . . . going nowhere fast.
Try some silence today and watch how it energizes your living!
Are You In A Good Place? July 13, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Balance.Tags: Balance, Catholicism, Christianity, Gay, GLBT, Queer, Religion, Spirituality
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Matthew 13: 1-23
“Just as from the heavens the rain and snow come down and do not return there till they have watered the earth, making it fertile and fruitful . . . so shall my word be that goes forth from my mouth; my word shall not return to me void, but shall do my will, achieving the end for which I sent it.”
As I have said before in these meditations, we are, each of us, a Word of God, a spark of the Divine, spoken in time for a reason. There is a mission that each of us has, a purpose for our existence. Did you ever wonder why you “woke up” at this point in time? Why didn’t you wake up at some other time, in some other place? Why not in the year 1026BC? Why now? I often wonder about that and come up with no answer other than for whatever mysterious reason, I woke up in Life when I did and I hold to a belief that there is some reason I am here now. Because we walk this planet for a brief time, it will be shaped and people will be changed and affected by our presence here, hopefully for the good! The Word that we are is not to return to Divine fullness void. The Word that we are is to be spoken, as we have seen these past few days.
Jesus, in the Gospel, expounds on what happens to various people in life. I think these various phases happen to all of us at various times in our lives. Sometimes we’re not even aware of the Word that we are and we walk through life blind as it were, not awake to Life and all that is around us. Sometimes we get excited about something, but when the going gets rough, we back away. At other times we get distracted by job, bills, possessions, etc and we begin to lack any depth of concern for people. And then, at other times we are on rich soil, rooted, awake, aware and making a difference for others.
Am I doing what I need to do to keep the Word that I am growing and active? What is the good soil that I need to make this happen? Various things that keep me on good ground are:
+ time for meditation
+ spiritual reading
+ physical exercise and care of the body/temple
+ social time
+ going outside of myself to give to those in need
Also, having some community that is nourishing and open would be good such as a 12 Step Group, a Meditation Group, a Faith Community, a group that shares a common interest, etc.
When any of these is not present in my life, the Word that I am is out of balance, not on the best soil and thus not making much of a difference.
Perhaps today we could look at our lives and see if we’re on good soil. If we’re not, what’s one step we can take to getting ourselves on good ground?
Contemplative Do Nothings June 11, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Balance, Contemplative Value.Tags: Contemplation, Contemplatives, Eckhart Tolle, Gay, Homosexuality, Queer, Religion, Spirituality
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I last wrote of feeling a sense of creative depression and the fact that I have often felt guilty as I seem to require significant spaces of quiet in my life. As such, I have never quite squared up with those who are constantly about this or that task and who accomplish much in their lives. As I was reading the end of Tolle’s book, he described people like me and I was reminded again of the value of Contemplative Do Nothings. He calls us “The Frequency Holders,” and contends that in the new earth – the conscious earth – we are invaluable. Our contribution in our contemplative nothingness is to bring consciousness to the world.
Contemplative Do Nothings are of inestimable value to the world, in that they are like the keepers of the flame – those who imbue the world with meaning and depth. We are the like the Lynx, that wonderful medium sized cat who symbolizes the link between this world and the next. Perhaps we Contemplative Do Nothings are those who point to the Eternal in the midst of the Finite, those who point to Limitless Infinity in the midst of the seemingly limited world of form. And what a gift this is to bring to life! We are those who give birth to art and music in the world. In themselves, art and music seem of no constructive value, no productive purpose. But imagine a world without art and music and we quickly realize their inestimable value to our daily lives! How poor and lifeless our world would be without them! And indeed, how very poor and lifeless our world would be without “The Frequency Holders,” the Contemplative Do Nothings!
