The silence of no thought
It speaks with increasing volume
Enticing me . . .
“Wanna figure it out?”
“No thought”
“Wanna change?”
“No thought”
“Wanna create?”
“No thought”
“Wanna love?”
“No thought”
“Wanna live well?”
“No thought”
“Wanna die well?”
“No thought”
In this silence, the song rises in my heart again
And I am made new.
As I continue “Just Sitting” – my Zazen practice – I remain intrigued by what it’s doing, yet at the same time trying to be unattached from expectation that anything will come of it. This simple (and not so simple!) opening of the body, spirit and mind connects us directly to Source Energy, God, Spirit and when you think about it, that’s freak’n amazing!! I find myself more aware, looking to see what this silence will bring.
Most of the time I find it difficult not to think, and simply concentrate on my breathing. The mind, the ego will not easily shut up. It does NOT want to give up control! Yet, what a relief it is to stop the incessant chatter within! I can only imagine what this must do to the brain. I can’t help but believe that in the process of this silence of the mind, the brain is literally making new connections. I am convinced that in this silence I am more lined up with Source, and Divine will becomes my will. In this silence the ego is shut up and I somehow feel more directly connected to God – I let go of control. I get out of the way. Maybe that’s what “let go, and let God” means. Normally when I give up control, I find myself, at least apprehensive, if not downright fearful. Yet as a result of this silence I find myself looking forward in hopeful expectation to see what will unfold in my life – and that of the world (because it‘s not just about my life, but affecting the world). Instead of a problem to be solved, life is becoming a Mystery to be lived. I look forward to the journey!
The other day I was made aware of a movie called “Into Great Silence.” It is a documentary film directed by Phillip Groning which portrays the lives of the Carthusian Monks of the Grande Charteuse Monastery high in the French Alps. It’s known to be one of the most austere monasteries. I imagine that many people might be bored out of their minds by this movie, as it definitely takes one “into great silence,” as its title suggests. The movie is around two and a half hours long and most of it is silence. It simply shows the monks in their day to day lives – without offering commentary or explanation. These monks do not talk, except when they are in common prayer and once a week after a meal on Sundays. So it’s quiet! Disturbingly so! Yet, . . . Refreshingly so. Talk about counter-cultural!
After watching this movie I wondered how much we may all be seduced away from the silence by the incessant, and sometimes, unnoticeable noise all around us. I wonder if all the noise that surrounds us, or that we choose to be surrounded by – lulls us into a dull sense of living, and ultimately – in our society – a crisis of meaning.
When I enter into the silence, which is initially disturbing, I am lead to a greater sense of myself, a more peaceful place and, in the process, I become a more compassionate presence in the world. It is nothing short of hard work to stay with silence, but I am becoming more and more conscious of the tremendous difference it makes in my life and work. I feel as if I am slowly being seduced by it. In entering the silence I give up control to a Higher Power, which is initially disturbing. But now I am intrigued by it, curious and interested to see what happens. And something is happening. I don’t quite know what it is, but I know it’s good.
Today I was meditating, and, as often is the case, my mind gets going and I want to get up and start getting something done that I’m thinking about. Sometimes it is “work” just to sit there. Funny huh? “Work” just to sit there?
The White Robed Monks call this “Just Sitting,” a practice adopted from Zen, where one simply sits 15 minutes a day, concentrating on the breath and clearing the mind of all thought. When we do this our mind, our ego revolts. That little voice in our heads just doesn’t want to leave us alone.
What struck me this morning again is that when I want to heed that voice within, when I want to get up and start moving and stop this sitting – I am not trusting! In essence, when I break the meditation and start running, I am saying that I trust more in myself than I do in Divine Power. My experience, however, says that when I stay with this “work,” when I simply sit and make an empty space in my mind, I connect directly with Source Energy, God, the Spirit. Suddenly my work is given energy and much more is accomplished – and somehow – directly as a result of thinking no-thing, my thoughts are clarified and my life is given meaning and direction. It’s like I have suddenly been plugged in!
Can I trust enough to stay with the silent embrace and make a space in my life to connect with Source? Try it. And see what happens!
I was recently watching a program on PBS called “Excuses Be Gone” featuring Wayne Dyer. In it, he quotes Aristotle as saying:
“Contemplation is the highest form of activity.”
I so resonate with that statement! I am wired differently from what society, corporations and even churches applaud and hold up as good. “Idleness is the devil’s workshop” we were often told as kids. Certainly that was the message in the church and family in which I was raised. For me, the opposite is true.
The more “activity” I am involved in – the less I do – and the quality of anything that I do, and even the person I am, suffers greatly! It is in the silence of nothingness, in time, seemingly wasted – where great things are born within me. When I don’t take time to be, read, write, pray, listen to music – my life and work suffer. When I have, or take this time – despite great pressure not to do so – then my work finds life and creativity and I am a decent person to be around.
I find this is not very much appreciated either in society or the church. Produce! Produce! Produce! This is the message that most of us receive. It’s funny. I don’t find society, churches or countries any the better for all the incessant activity! Perhaps we would be wise to slow down, take stock. I recently heard these very words in a church, coming from a man who’s an unredeemed, angry workaholic whose toxic energy is oppressive to his staff and his church. He does a tremendous amount of work; but I don’t know of anyone (who really knows him) who looks up to him or actually wants to spend time with him. How sad. But I believe, like all addicts, he’s basically a good person at heart. Perhaps he just needs to slow down and take stock.
Can you relate to this?
Why is it that when I hit a stressful time in life, the very things – like meditation and exercise – that would help relieve stress, are the very first things to get bumped from the daily routine? It’s like something within me says, “there’s no time for this!” And so, I begin to shave these things from my daily routine. Then over time, I wonder why I am getting more stressed, having difficulty sleeping and focusing!
In reality, these are the most important things NOT to bump from the schedule in the midst of a difficult time. They are the very life-blood that keeps me grounded. Without them, all else begins to suffer – my work, my relationships, even my play time!
I lay awake last night, once again, feeling the pent up energy in my body and my restless spirit as my mind whirled. I have not exercised in a while. No wonder I am having difficulty sleeping. So much pent up energy! I have not really given myself to meditation in a while. No wonder I have difficulty focusing!
The irony is this: when I bump meditation and exercise from the schedule, it seems I don’t have enough time. When I take the time to meditate and exercise, it seems as if I have much more time on my hands, time even to play!
First things first. What are the REALLY important things that I need to maintain in order to live well, even in the midst of a stressful time?
“Mary has chosen the better portion and she shall not be deprived of it.”
See Luke 10: 38-42
In a world that canonizes the “Martha’s” of the world, those who go, go, go and work, work, work, I am so grateful for this story – because I’m definitely a “Mary.” The society in which we live canonizes work. The more we can produce, the better. The more we can get out of an employee for the least amount of pay, the better.
There are Mary’s and there are Martha’s in the world. I have some friends who are Martha’s. They are the movers and shakers, the ones who get things done. Not that I don’t get anything done, but I envy the energy that I see in these people and have always felt a bit of guilt because I don’t seem to have that same energy. I am however passionate, a dreamer, one who, I’ve been told, has a way of inspiring and moving people. It is only when I am rooted in my inner “Mary” that this passion thrives. When I run all over like Martha, with many worries and concerns, the passion within me freezes, gets paralyzed.
I am so grateful for the Martha’s in my life. And I think the Martha’s in my life are grateful for the Mary in me. A balance between the two is probably optimum in living life well.
And, as an aside, what a great thing for Jesus to get all those men pissed off by allowing Mary, A WOMAN, to sit in the company of men and listen to the teacher! This is the real clincher of the story. Women were indeed deprived of learning and were not to be in the company of men. We only need watch the movie “Yentl” to get a sense of what that was like. Jesus, here, as in many places, takes the assumed religious/cultural understanding and turns in upside down! You go boy!
Yesterday I spoke of the benefit of religious/spiritual experience and the gratitude I hold in my heart for this gift. Today I am encouraged to keep at it, to keep doing those things that I need to do to stay centered.
“Whoever puts their hand to the plow and keeps looking back (i.e, keeps getting distracted, or in the mind) is unfit for the reign of God (i.e., cannot experience the power of God).” See Luke 9: 57-62
The importance of sticking with my practice, that which keeps me centered, has become obvious to me over the past couple of weeks when I’ve been without electricity and very busy with work. Actually, the past couple of months I’ve been without a “Sabbath” day, a time of rest, reading, reflection, prayer. Life has been filled with responding to various needs, people and work situations, which have placed my normal weekly Sabbath on the back burner. As a result, I have not felt as centered and have begun to rely on my own power instead of that which can carry me through my days.
This experience again reminds me of the importance of building into our lives some “Sabbath” time. Far from being a waste of time, it can produce within us an energy that can make us much more productive than if we kept running here and there. I know for myself, without some Sabbath time that keeps me centered in my spiritual practice, I don’t produce good work. When I take this waste of time, my work is given passion, energy and comes alive.
If, like me, your spiritual practice has been placed on the back burner due to busyness, demands of partners, children, work or the like, perhaps it’s time to “put your hand to the plow” as it were and take even a little “Sabbath” time. In so doing, we will discover a Power within that can do much more in us than we could by ourselves.
A while back I said that I was interested in reading Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, as I was fascinated to find out how this man was able to find meaning in the midst of one of the most degrading, dehumanizing and cruel situations a person could endure in a Nazi concentration camp. I did go and pick up the book and am now just some 40 pages in. Last night as I was reading I was struck by his vivid, inside description of what it was like to live inside those camps day to day, week to week, year to year. It makes anything that I endure pale in comparison!
I was particularly struck by what he said about those who had some religious faith or sense of spirituality. They ultimately were able to endure much better, for they were able to go to a place inside themselves which nothing or no one could take from them. This is what he says about such people:
“In spite of the all enforced physical and mental primitiveness of life in the concentration camp, it was possible for spiritual life to deepen. Sensitive people who were used to a rich intellectual life may have suffered much pain (they were often of a delicate constitution), but the damage to their inner selves was much less. They were able to retreat from their terrible surroundings to a life of inner riches and spiritual freedom. Only in this way can one explain the apparent paradox that some prisoners of less hardy make-up often seemed to survive camp life better than did those of a robust nature.” (Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, Beacon Press, Boston, 1959, 1962, 1984, 2006 p.36).
As I read this last night I was so grateful, despite its many faults, for my religious upbringing. It gave me a sense of hope, a place “of inner riches and spiritual freedom” to retreat to in the midst of difficult times. As a boy growing up in an alcoholic war zone of a home, because of the stories of faith that were instilled in me, that boy had someplace to go in the midst of his hell – and that place saved his life! And it continues to bless me in ways that I am unaware.
Perhaps today we could be grateful for a sense of Spirit that we have which gives us this place of “inner riches and spiritual freedom,” despite painful circumstances in our lives. It provides for us a way of dealing with these circumstances and rising above them and not collapsing under their weight. The seeking of a spiritual path, whatever it may be, indeed does make a concrete difference in our lives and, through us, the lives of those around us! It’s worth the time and effort we put into it.
“‘Go out and stand on the mountain; God will be passing by.’
A strong wind came and crushed rocks, but God was not in the wind.
After that there was an earthquake, but God was not in the earthquake.
After the earthquake there was a fire, but God was not in the fire.
After the fire there was a tiny whisper – complete silence – and then Elijah, knowing that it was God, went and stood at the mouth of the cave.” See 1Kings 19: 9, 11-13
As I get older, there is no question in my mind that it is in the silence that I am most completely myself! It is in silence that I feel most energized and connected. I not only feel connected with the Divine, but I feel most intimately connected with those that I love when I am in silence. When I have gone away to enter the silence, while meditating or at night, looking up at the stars, I would feel a mystical and very intimate connection with those who were thousands of miles away from me. Is it only me, or is there great intimacy to be found in the silence?
I suppose we’re all different and find our intimate connections, both human and Divine in various ways. For me, the silence becomes the place which is most intimate, most energizing. There is a pregnancy that I feel in the silence – limitless possibility. When I am there I feel like I am making love. I am no longer separate, but connected at the deepest places within myself, with creation, the Divine and those I love. For two or three hours at a stretch I just sit, doing nothing but looking at the ocean, the mountains and the stars, and in those moments I feel the cells of my body vibrating in intimate unity with the Universe. I am completely open and give myself over to this Love without fear. I allow myself to be freely and fully penetrated. And in the rhythm of our love making I feel his strength and his gentleness as he fills me.
Yet I am not spent in this love making, I am not diminished. I walk away renewed, energized with life, pregnant with tomorrow’s possibility.
