Amazing Divine Synchronicity August 13, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Detachment.Tags: 12 Steps, Bible, Christianity, Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Judgment, Love, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
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I have been struggling with the re-emergence of a guy in my life that I once had deep feelings for. I have been struggling with the way he is living his life. I am no saint, by any means; but after many years of not being in touch, to hear of the way he is living and justifying his life surprises me.
In the midst of this struggle, I opened to a daily reading. It was from Teresa of Avila’s “Interior Castle” and this is what it said: “Let us look at our own shortcomings and leave other’s alone. . . . There is no reason why we should expect everyone else to travel by our own road, and we should not attempt to point them to the spiritual path when perhaps we don’t know what it is.”
I looked up and laughed, amazed at Divine Synchronicity. . . . And to think there are times when I have difficulty believing!
Teresa goes on to say that we might learn important lessons from the people who shock us. Indeed, it may help define more clearly what is life giving to us and who we are.
Get the focus off of him; and get it back on yourself and what you need to do to live in ways that are life giving for you.
LIVING In the Storm April 7, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment.Tags: AA, Bible, Catholicism, Christianity, Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Patience, Queer
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I am going through a bit of a major shift in my life. In one sense it’s not a big deal. In another, it’s a HUGE deal. And it’s one of those situations where you don’t know whether or not it’s all going to work out. Ever been there?
My tendency in such times is to stop living. I get so focused on the challenge at hand that I put my life and sometimes my relationships on hold. This is no way to live. OK, it usually takes me a while to learn things; but learn I do! This “storm” in my life is presenting me with a wonderful opportunity to learn patience and detachment. It presents me with another lesson in what it means to be so detached that I can continue to LIVE in the midst of the storm. Do what I must, yes. But then, let go and allow it to go where it will.
We CAN live in the midst of the storm!
Holding On Tight March 9, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment.Tags: AA, Bible, Christianity, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Lent, Let Go, Personal Growth, Personal Improvement, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
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Luke 6: 36-38
Holding on tight?
Let go.
Sometimes we have a tendency to hold on tight. We hold on to people, places, things. We protect, hoard, worry, feed resentments, judge, . . . and in the process we fail to live. When we’re so concerned about holding on to what we have, when we’re so concerned about never forgiving this or that person, when we’re so concerned with controlling – we fail to live and enjoy the moment.
Be compassionate, don’t judge, forgive and don’t worry about holding on to what you have but give, give, give! And in the process we will experience life again! When we cling, even to our judgments, we are not free. It’s like the story of the monkey who discovered a banana inside a hole in a tree. He reached in to grab the banana and got stuck. He stayed stuck for hours, trapped and unable to move; until he realized that if he just let go of the banana and relaxed his hand he could be free.
Sometimes you and I are holding on so tightly to people, places and things – even our own hurts – and in the process we stay stuck and miss the glory of living! When we let go, we’ll discover an abundance of bananas free for the taking.
Something Bugging You? December 30, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Dealing With Anger, Detachment.Tags: Agitation, Anger, Eckhart Tolle, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Personal Growth, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality, The Power of Now
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Various things bug us all. They could be small things or significant issues. Whatever the case, there are ways of dealing with agitation. We’re not powerless. As a matter of fact there’s a way to allow ourselves to stand in our own power and not allow these things to bug us. Eckhart Tolle suggests two things in his book The Power of Now, which I think might be very helpful. First, when we get upset, simply become present, aware that we’re upset and don’t resist whatever is bugging us. Oftentimes we walk around not feeling good, or edgy and angry, yet unaware as to where that is coming from. Realizing where it’s coming from is helpful in waking up and, instead of resisting it, it helps to simply accept that that’s the way things are at the moment. But how the hell do we accept something that’s bugging us??? Tolle goes on to suggest a way to do just that, a way that puts us in control and not a victim of outside circumstances. He calls it transparency.
He uses the image of becoming transparent to allow whatever it is that’s bugging us to go right through our bodies, as if we weren’t even there. He says that when we become aware of being bugged by something or someone, or being hurt, to imagine ourselves gradually becoming transparent, as if there were no solid mass to our bodies. Imagine the the hurt or upset going right through us without hitting any solid wall of resitance. I find this a wonderful image. We then stand in our own power and are not victim to whatever or whoever is bugging us. We have a choice and need not get upset or ruin a day by something that someone has said or done!
Now, if you’re anything like me, you need LOTS of practice at this. I still get upset, resist and blow of steem, sometimes saying or doing things in reaction that I shouldn’t. But I am happy to find through Tolle, some help in dealing with agitation. Perhaps with practice I’ll become a more calm, peaceful person when bugged by something or someone.
No Strings Attached November 24, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment, Self Giving.Tags: Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gay Life, Giving, GLBT, Happiness, Queer, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
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“They make contributions out of their surplus, but she from her want has given what she could not afford – every penny she had to live on.” (See Luke 21: 1-4)
When I give something, do I place expectations on my giving? If I give something to a friend, do I expect something in return? If I give my time, do I expect it returned? Or do I give, only when I FEEL like giving?
Or, when I give, do I give completely, even when it’s inconvenient, expecting nothing in return?
If I examine my own life, sometimes it’s about expectations and convenience and not about freely giving. At other times, I give freely of what I have.
One thing is clear. I am most happy, most content, when my giving is free, no strings attached. It is in those moments when my heart feels a quiet contentment and knows the care of a loving God who promises that I will be given all that I need, . . . if I just let go. Even when it comes to love, when I cling, life becomes cloudy and difficult. When I let go, life becomes a richer experience.
Calculating Happiness November 6, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment.Tags: Detachment, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, Religion, Spirituality
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Whether it’s about our personal growth, our finances, our careers or remodeling our homes we spend a good bit of time calculating what we need to do to reach our goals. This is a good thing, because if we just jump without some research, thought and prayer we’re apt to not to reach our goals, or to get ourselves into bad situations.
I was reading Luke 14: 25-33 today and Jesus speaks about such planning. But what’s really curious is that the “planning” that we need to do in order to live well (aka be his follower), he says, is to “renounce all our possessions.” Go figure!? I don’t think that would be the advise that anyone would give us, . . . would it? It probably wouldn’t be the advise that any good person would give in his day, since having possessions and health were considered evidence of one’s right relationship with God. So if wealth equaled being in right relationship with God, Jesus turns that upside down by saying: NO! To be in right relationship with God and others “renounce all your possessions!” I don’t see many of us literally doing this, whether fundamentalist or progressive. So what could this mean for us?
Do I cling to people, places or things? If I do, I am not living in freedom. Do I hoard what I have, whether that’s my possessions, my friends, my lover? If I do, I am not living in freedom. Yes, we all need to think, to calculate and be responsible with our jobs, careers, schooling, our loved ones. But that being done, then we need to let go and let God. In “renouncing” (aka, letting go) of all that I want, can I trust that I will be lead and given all that I need, whether it be love, joy or happiness?
You know, when I look back at my life, it is precisely the times when I have let go of worry about my own time and my own concerns, that I have been most happy.
I Surrender! October 17, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment, Surrender.Tags: Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, Meditation, Prayer, Religioin, Spirituality, Surrender
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This morning as I meditated I felt a sense of surrender. My thoughts and my prayer were not centered so much in what I want or need, but in how I could be an expression of the Divine.
So often our prayer can be about what we want or need in life. Ultimately we are an expression of the Eternal or Unmanifested spoken into form. If I am an expression of the Divine, perhaps my emphasis in prayer should be more on how the Divine wants to express itself in my life, rather than how and what I (read – the ego) want the Divine to do in and for me.
It feels good to surrender, to be taken, to allow oneself to enter an adventure – to walk into the unknown, to be lead. There is a sense of ease about surrender. Instead of the work involved in trying to arrange my life as I want it, there is an ease about surrendering and allowing myself to be lead.
The synchronicity of things amazes me sometimes. Just as this sense of surrender was emerging from within, I read this passage in my morning prayer: “We must let ourselves be plowed so that the furrows of our person become deeper and deeper, so that our earth becomes softer and softer” (Jean-Marie Howe, Cistercian Monastic Life/Vows: A Vision, p. 367). Perhaps it is in surrender that I become a softer person and, conversely, perhaps its in running and trying to arrange it all myself that I become hardened.
Perhaps today we could think more about what the Divine wants to do in us, rather than what we want out of the Divine.
The Love Doctor October 8, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment, Ego, Relationships.Tags: Detachment, Eckhart Tolle, Ego, Family, Gay Cahtolic, Gay Christian, Gay Relationships, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
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This morning after prayer and meditation, I read a section of Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now. At a coffee shop recently a friend of mine saw me reading that book and said: “Are you STILL reading that book? Haven’t you finished it yet?” What I’ve been doing though is just reading a little bit everyday, kind of like a daily meditation. This morning I continued reading his section on relationships and how to deal with stress or conflict.
For any of you who are partnered, I highly recommend this read. Any of us who are alive and breathing have relationships, whether they be partners, family, co-workers or friends. Conflicts are inevitable. Tolle gives some great direction on how to deal with those situations when someone starts getting on your nerves. He speaks of getting outside the ego, and approaching the person from a place of inner “presence.” When we have our judging ego out of the way, we can peacefully point out things to our partners, friends or co-workers. By doing so we remove judgment and emotionally charged response. Of course, if the other person isn’t present and is in their ego, they will probably get hurt and react in some way. It’s important for us not to get our ego back in the picture by reacting in turn. But if they are awake, they will be able to simply listen. Conversely, when someone points something out to us in a non-judgmental way, we will simply be able to listen without judging or reacting.
Some great advise, I think, for living and loving well. I’ve got a ways to go in getting my ego out of the way. But this is a great tool to have and to practice, instead of allowing emotional reaction to run amuck!
Less Is More September 26, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment.Tags: Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Life, Living, Possessions, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
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What would you think if your boss or your partner sent you on a long trip to do something, but then told you to take nothing with you and just to rely on the help of strangers? I remember years ago, when I was in the seminary, hearing stories of one of the formation directors who used to send college students out on the road in the summer time, having them travel hundreds of miles and only giving them $10.00 to take with them and nothing else. They were to make their way across these hundreds of miles relying on the help of strangers. This, he said, helped them get a real sense of what the poor feel in their lives. Certainly it was a different day and age back then; but a challenging way to learn that maybe we don’t need as much as we think we do.
I wonder if having much holds us from experiencing life’s richness in other ways. I wonder if it holds us from interaction with others and opportunities to be of mutual support, that otherwise we simply don’t see, as each of us is mired within the secure confines of our own homes.
This past week, after a violent windstorm, the residual effects of Hurricane Ike, I was left without electricity for a week. Certainly much less worse than those devastated by the brunt of that storm. Yet even this little “inconvenience” made me not only think of , but feel with those in other parts of the world who never have electricity. It made me get out of my house and interact with neighbors and others in coffee shops and the like. I met more people in this past week than I have in a quite a while. It created within people a mutual inter-dependence that otherwise we rarely experience. Although a little edgy at times due to sinus problems and a lack of sleep, this past week opened a deeper connection with people, many of whom I didn’t even know. It made me realize in a real way that maybe I don’t need all those things I have and, not only that, they keep me from experiencing life at deeper, interconnected levels.
“Take nothing for the journey; neither walking staff nor traveling bag; no bread, no money.” (See Luke 9: 1-6) Perhaps today we could ask ourselves this: how are my possessions holding me from experiencing a richer, fuller life? What can I do live a more inter-dependent life?
Happiness and the Ever Allusive Boyfriend September 16, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment, Freedom, Happiness.Tags: Anthony de Mello, Boyfriends, Carl Jung, Dating, Detachment, Eckhart Tolle, Freedom, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gay Life, gay spirituality, Happiness, Possessions, Religion, Spirituality, Victor Fanckl, Wayne Dyer
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Once again, I’m not strictly speaking of finding a boyfriend, but happiness, the ever allusive happiness that we all seek.
Last night at a coffee shop I began reading a book called The Way to Love: The Last Meditations of Anthony de Mello. Anthony de Mello was a Jesuit priest and spiritual guide who, in his many books and conferences, brought together Eastern and Western spirituality. He himself was raised in India so was familiar with Eastern concepts. If you have not read anything by him or about him I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! It’s amazing how very much in line he is with the thinking of Tolle, Dyer, Jung, Frankl and many others who speak of being free of ego attachments and realizing the grace of living happiness in this moment no matter what is happening around us. These people, I believe, like the Christ, have keys that can make a tremendous difference in living a happy, more peaceful life. The Way to Love is a very small volume, something you could carry in your pocket, but is packed with lots of insight and practical wisdom that can change the way you go about life! It’s published by Image Books, Doubleday.
Last night, on the heals of yesterday’s meditation, I read De Mello’s take on ever allusive happiness. He says we are programmed from birth to believe that we cannot be happy without things, that happiness lay somewhere in the future when I get this person, thing or place. Or we are programmed to believe that if we just change the situation and the people around us, then we’ll be happy, or when all our desires are fulfilled we’ll be happy. All of these are FALSE. It is only when we stop clinging to these things that we begin to experience what peace and happiness is. It is only when we let go of these things and simply live this moment and accept what is here and now that we can begin to live in a greater state of peace and happiness. For then we won’t waste a tremendous amount of time and energy trying to get this or that or to change this or that circumstance in our lives (See pp.5-12 The Way to Love) It’s difficult for me to put this in words, but I know what it feels like when I stop looking to the future for happiness, or some person, place of thing. I know what it is to experience peace and happiness when I accept interruptions to my day, or when my day hasn’t gone as I had planned, or when something seemingly bad happens. I know what it feels like when I simply accept that and stop resisting it.
I want to continue exploring this. I find myself being lead to read Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning which chronicles his experiences when he was in a concentration camp in World War II and how he found that even in such horrible and unspeakably inhumane circumstances, one could still be happy. Imagine the freedom!
