God In The Shit December 21, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Advent/Christmas.Tags: Christmas, Difficulties, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Life Is A Mess, New Life, Possibility, Problems, Queer, Religion, Solstice, Spiriuality, The Holidays
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Matthew 1: 18-24
Joseph, an upright man, a good religious man, embarrassed, frightened, confused and wanting a divorce. Mary a dedicated woman of faith, yet unmarried and pregnant. No room for them to stay and so a cave where animals are kept, shitty and smelly, becomes the place of his birth. . . . Who would ever think that nothing less than God would emerge from this mess?
God chooses to come to us in the mess of life! And our lives at times can certainly be quite messy. There are illnesses, quarrels, wars, misunderstandings, depression, addictions and any number of maladies that can befall us. It is precisely in this mess that God chooses to reveal God’s self. It is precisely this mess which can become the birthing place of wonderful things! When life’s messiness comes upon us, we need not fear, but open ourselves to it as a place where wonderful insights can emerge and otherwise undreamt paths can be revealed!
I Want To Get Pregnant! December 19, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Advent/Christmas, Believe, Positive Thinking.Tags: Advent, Belief, Believing, Christmas, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Positive Thinking, Religion, Spirituality, The Secret, Watching Thoughts
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Luke 1: 5-25
You have given sterility its pregnancy! We are, once again, beckoned to believe in the impossible. We have in our readings two stories of women who were sterile, but become pregnant. It’s interesting to note that these stories are fairly common in the Scriptures and always the child to be born is destined to make a great difference for the good of the people. Great things happen from seemingly impossible situations! Can you believe it?? I have difficulty believing it, like Zechariah, and so I remain unable to speak, paralyzed in my journey. We all experience “sterility” in our lives, in one way or another. What is sterile in your life these days? What’s sterile in the life of our world? Can I believe that this sterility can be overcome and new life can emerge? It’s just a matter of believing! AND taking action. What’s some small thing that I can do today to give pregnancy to a part of my life, or that of our world, that is lifeless and sterile? If I am honest, most of the time I am like Zechariah who basically looks at the angel and says “yeah, . . . Right! You have GOT to be kidding!” Most of the time I am like Zechariah and don’t believe that incredible things can happen in my life and the life of the world. And in my lack of belief, I remain like Zechariah, lifeless, speechless and a bit listless and lethargic. We are knocked over the head again today by God who says, “Wake up! Believe it!” We are again beckoned to walk through our days believing that life CAN be different, that the world CAN be different! The past couple of weeks I have felt listless. This morning when I read these readings and pondered them, I felt deep within me “Yeah right, . . . You have GOT to be kidding!” And then I started to change my thinking and believe that maybe, just maybe the impossible can happen. I’m not sure if it will. But you know what? . . . I’m not listless anymore. A little pregnancy has been given to my listless sterility.
There Is A Santa Claus! December 18, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Uncategorized.Tags: Advent, Christmas, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Miracle on 34th Street, Polar Express, Relgion, Santa Claus, Spirituality
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I can understand now where in the Gospels Jesus says, “But when the Son of Man comes will he find any faith on the earth?” We are beckoned in this season to believe in the seemingly impossible! The readings that we have at this time of year from Isaiah bring tears to my eyes. They are so blasted beautiful! For me it’s like watching one of those sweet syrupy Christmas movies where the guy always gets the right girl (or guy as the case may be!). I’ll admit it, when I watch one of those movies I cry. And when I read these absolutely beautiful readings from Isaiah, I sometimes cry. I cry because I am sad because this vision that Isaiah describes isn’t a reality. But I also cry because it beckons me to hope, to believe again. The movie “Polar Express” is a wonderful expression of the belief to which we’re called. When we believe, magical things begin to happen! We begin to hear and see things that we previously did not! “Remember, the magic of Christmas lays in your heart!” (From the movie “Polar Express”)
We’re called in this Advent season to be absolute fools and believe in the seemingly impossible! We’re called to believe that the blind can see, the deaf can hear, that the tyrant will be no more, the arrogant are gone and that the shame of any wrongdoing on our part is removed.
We are called, invited and cajoled in this season to believe in the seemingly impossible! What’s your dream? What’s your dream for our world? Can we believe that it CAN become a reality? “Yes Virginia there IS a Santa Claus! . . . The most real things in this world are those that neither children nor (people) can see.” (From Francis B. Church’s editorial in The New York Sun from 1897, which was later made into the famous movie “Miracle on 34th Street”). “Faith is believing when common sense tells us not to.” (From the movie “Miracle on 34th Street) Can we look beyond the hum drum of our everyday lives and the violence of our world to the Magic underneath it all and to the One who IS there and who so desires to make dreams a reality, . . . if we only believe!
Dysfunction Junction – More on Family December 17, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Uncategorized.Tags: Advent, Christmas, Dysfunctional Family, Family Holidays, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Religion, Spirituality, The Holidays
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Good things can emerge from seemingly bad or shady experiences. The genealogy of Jesus that we have in Matthew is not an accurate historical record. The purpose of Matthew is to place Jesus in the line of David setting him up as King. As you read the record though, there are some interesting people that emerge like Rahab, the mother of Boaz who was a prostitute, and his wife Ruth who was born of incestuous origins. Of course we also have King David – one of the greats of the Old Testament – who was also an adulterer and murderer. Matthew places Jesus within the lineage of some pretty interesting people! The point is that all is “redeemed.” Our shortcomings, or the shortcomings of our families are not the end of the road. Good things can emerge from seemingly less than perfect people! What one of us is perfect? What one of us does not carry with us some shame of past or present transgressions? Perhaps a lesson today could be to let go of the shame, to let go of the past and to live well in our present, knowing that we are loved, despite our imperfections, and that we can do good, despite our flaws. We need to do what we can to overcome our character defects, . . . yes! But to live in the shame placed on us by ourselves or others only serves to keep us down. It does nothing for us or others. Despite our imperfections, we can still do great good in the world and bring light and life to others!
Family December 17, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Uncategorized.Tags: Belonging, Christmas, Dealing With Famiy, Family, Family Issues, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gay Family, Gay Life, Genealogy, GLBT, The Holidays
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Some of us who are gay unfortunately have had negative experiences with our families. I know some gay people that were kicked out of their homes when they were teens, others whose partners are never welcome in their family’s homes. I myself was told by my brother around this time last year that I was a spiritual detriment to his family and that he needed to protect them from me. Gratefully I also know families who welcome their gay sons and daughters and their partners with open arms. How blest are they indeed!
Whether we are gay or straight, people sometimes have difficulty with their family. Family issues have a way of coming to the fore around this time when, traditionally, families gather. If you are one who has issues with your family, take heart. Even Jesus‘ family had some issues and his genealogy certainly contained a few characters! I can only imagine what Mary and Joseph’s brothers and sisters must have thought of their nephew at times! No one is really immune. It’s just a part of life.
I think its important, especially this time of year, to have some sense of family, some sense of belonging, particularly for those who have difficulty with their own families. Perhaps it might be a time to look around. Is there someone that we know who is without a sense of family or belonging? Like the One who welcomed all to the table, perhaps we might invite them to our tables. And if you are one who is alone, one who has been rejected, know that you are not rejected from the Divine table, but are embraced in love – no matter what your family, or even your church family may say!
Believing Is Seeing December 15, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Advent/Christmas, Believe, Positive Thinking.Tags: Believing, Christmas, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Positive Thinking, Religion, Spirituality, The Holidays
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Most of us think it’s the other way around, . . . don’t we? When I experience it, when I see it, when you show me, then I’ll believe it. Isn’t this the spoken or inward response that we have to something that even slightly seems out of the ordinary?
Recently I was watching a Christmas movie, I can’t remember what it was called, or even the plot. But what I do remember is this line in the movie: “Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing!”
Probably due to years of my father saying things like I would never amount to anything, that I was good for nothing and could do nothing right, I still, at times, grapple with those messages in my head. This weekend was one such weekend. No matter how many times I have been told that I do good work, this weekend I was simply not feeling it, seeing it, or hearing it. I sat there feeling like a failure. Gratefully I rather quickly became aware of these negative voices in my head. And then I thought of the line from that movie. And immediately, in the middle of performing a task for my job, I began to think about all the successes that I’ve had in my job, all the good things that have been done and almost immediately my mood began to shift to the positive. And, not only that, I began to see and feel differently about what I was experiencing in my job performance.
Believing IS seeing. As we believe, so shall we see and experience life. I also realized that I am in the midst of one hellava “stinkin thinking” streek. And as I have moved inward, enveloped by these negative thoughts, I project that energy outward – and it, indeed becomes my reality. I only pray for the grace to continue to become aware of such negative thinking and, by changing what I believe, what I think, that I will see myself and others differently.
Testify to the Light! December 14, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Advent/Christmas.Tags: Advent, Believing, Christmas, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gifts, GLBT, Positive Thinking, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality, The Holidays
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It’s SO easy to dwell on what is wrong with our lives, our partner, our job, the church, this or that person and certainly what’s wrong with the world! Why does that seem to come so naturally, yet thinking positively does not.? It’s like we have to train our minds to work and think in different ways. When we do so, then we will come to see life in a new way.
I often ask myself this question: Do I want to be a person that sees and talks about what is good in this world, or what is wrong with it? Whenever I am around someone who consistently has a negative edge to their conversation, I quickly receive an answer to what kind of person I want to be! It’s a drag being around a consistently negative person. Yet I have to admit that I am sometimes negative in what I say and how I perceive myself, others and the world – and I don’t even realize it!
John the Baptist was called to “testify to the light.” I want to be a person that testifies to the light, to what is good. Ironically enough, as the darkness descends, this season is about testifying to what is good in human nature and the world. In the midst of all of our problems, in this season we CONSCIOUSLY take an opportunity to look at what is good, true and beautiful in ourselves and others and celebrate that! The key is in CONSCIOUSLY deciding to look at the good in another.
Today perhaps it’s good to ask ourselves this: Am I person who testify’s to the Light?
I’m Coming To See You December 13, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Advent/Christmas.Tags: Advent, Christmas, Depression, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Martin the Cobbler, New Life, Queer, Religion, Sadness, Spirituality, The Holidays
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The animated Christmas movie “Martin the Cobbler” (originally a story by Leo Tolstoy) tells the story of Martin, a shoe repairman. Martin’s workshop and living space is in a basement with one window that looks out onto the street where he sees people passing by. Life has left Martin a sad, withdrawn man. His wife died at an early age, leaving him a son to raise. When the son was of age to begin helping him, he took ill and also died. Life had been difficult for Martin and he basically gives up on any belief in a good God.
One night, while reading he hears someone call his name and the voice says: “Martin look out into the street tomorrow for I will come to visit you.” The next day, Martin remembers the voice and begins to look out the window, expecting something to happen. As the day wore on, nothing much happened. But he did see a man he knew who’s shoes were worn and who was cold and hungry. Because the man was blocking the view out his window he invited him in. Noticing he was hungry, Martin gave him something to eat and noticing he was cold, he gave him an extra coat he had. The day passed and nothing extraordinary happened. At the end of the day, he noticed his Bible and he took it out, opened it and noticed the passage where it said “I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, thirsty and you gave me something to eat.” He then realized that God had indeed visited him and from then on he kept looking out the window noticing people and his sad, withdrawn life began to blossom again!
God often comes and visits us, but we don’t recognize God. Jesus in the Gospel today says that the people didn’t recognize the prophet Elijah nor do they recognize him. As a matter of fact, people oftentimes get rid of prophets! God visits us every day. Prophets are sent to us everyday. Do we see them? Perhaps we, like Martin, should look out the window of our sadness or pain today and see the One who comes to visit us in many disguises that we might be lead to newness of life!
What Do You Want For Christmas? December 12, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Advent/Christmas, Happiness.Tags: 12 Steps, Advent, Christmas, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Queer, Religion, Spirituality, The Holidays
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“I, the Lord your God, teach you what is for your good, and lead you on the way you should go. If you would harken to my commandments, your prosperity would be like a river.” (See Isaiah 48: 17-19)
Certainly in Isaiah’s time the common belief was that if you were following God’s ways, you would be blessed. If you were ill, or poor, that meant you were a sinner. Jesus of course turned this belief upside down with such teachings as “blessed are the poor, blessed are those who mourn,” etc. For Jesus happiness had little if anything to do with material or physical goods – and herein lay the discovery of true joy! When we realize that happiness doesn’t come from any person, place or thing, but from within, then we are the happiest of people. In this sense, less might indeed be more!
It’s ironic to reflect on this when culturally and within many, if not most of our homes, there are growing expectations of this or that “gift.” Perhaps it might be good for us to reflect on what might truly give someone “happiness.” Is it this or that gift, this or that thing? Or is it an experience, presence, self giving that might engender a sense of deeper joy.
Maggot! December 11, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Advent/Christmas, Change, Personal Growth.Tags: Advent, Change, Christmas, Conversion, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Personal Growth, Religion, Spirituality, The Holidays
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“Fear not, O worm Jacob, O maggot Israel;
I will help you, says the Lord”
(See Isaiah 41: 13-20)
For some reason those words, “worm” and “maggot” never struck me before, but they kinda slapped me in the face today! Can you imagine calling someone a worm or a maggot? Pretty strong language I’d say!
But did you ever feel like a worm or a maggot? Did you ever say or do something that you deeply regretted? Did you ever feel like you’ve gotten yourself into a situation or a way of being where you felt there was no way out? If you’ve ever been in such a situation, you know what it feels like to feel like a worm or a maggot. But there’s good news. There IS a way out! There IS the possibility of change!
The other day I was flipping through channels and happened upon the movie “Bruce Almighty.” It started and finished with “God” washing a floor, dressed in a janitor‘s uniform. At the end of the movie, after Bruce has made a mess of things being “God” for a week, God invites Bruce to join him in washing the floor. When they’re finished God admires the clean floor and says: “No matter how filthy something gets, you can always get a little water and wash it right up!”
No matter how bad it may seem, no matter the pain we may have caused, no matter what we have done or how we have lived, . . . we can change and live in new, life giving ways. That’s good news. We just have to make a step in the right direction.
