Amazing Divine Synchronicity August 13, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Detachment.Tags: 12 Steps, Bible, Christianity, Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Judgment, Love, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
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I have been struggling with the re-emergence of a guy in my life that I once had deep feelings for. I have been struggling with the way he is living his life. I am no saint, by any means; but after many years of not being in touch, to hear of the way he is living and justifying his life surprises me.
In the midst of this struggle, I opened to a daily reading. It was from Teresa of Avila’s “Interior Castle” and this is what it said: “Let us look at our own shortcomings and leave other’s alone. . . . There is no reason why we should expect everyone else to travel by our own road, and we should not attempt to point them to the spiritual path when perhaps we don’t know what it is.”
I looked up and laughed, amazed at Divine Synchronicity. . . . And to think there are times when I have difficulty believing!
Teresa goes on to say that we might learn important lessons from the people who shock us. Indeed, it may help define more clearly what is life giving to us and who we are.
Get the focus off of him; and get it back on yourself and what you need to do to live in ways that are life giving for you.
First Things First April 21, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Anxiety, Contemplative Value, Spiritual "Practice".Tags: 12 Step Work, AA, Bible, Centering, Christianity, Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Meditation, Prayer, Religion, Spirituality
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Can you relate to this?
Why is it that when I hit a stressful time in life, the very things – like meditation and exercise – that would help relieve stress, are the very first things to get bumped from the daily routine? It’s like something within me says, “there’s no time for this!” And so, I begin to shave these things from my daily routine. Then over time, I wonder why I am getting more stressed, having difficulty sleeping and focusing!
In reality, these are the most important things NOT to bump from the schedule in the midst of a difficult time. They are the very life-blood that keeps me grounded. Without them, all else begins to suffer – my work, my relationships, even my play time!
I lay awake last night, once again, feeling the pent up energy in my body and my restless spirit as my mind whirled. I have not exercised in a while. No wonder I am having difficulty sleeping. So much pent up energy! I have not really given myself to meditation in a while. No wonder I have difficulty focusing!
The irony is this: when I bump meditation and exercise from the schedule, it seems I don’t have enough time. When I take the time to meditate and exercise, it seems as if I have much more time on my hands, time even to play!
First things first. What are the REALLY important things that I need to maintain in order to live well, even in the midst of a stressful time?
LIVING In the Storm April 7, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment.Tags: AA, Bible, Catholicism, Christianity, Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Patience, Queer
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I am going through a bit of a major shift in my life. In one sense it’s not a big deal. In another, it’s a HUGE deal. And it’s one of those situations where you don’t know whether or not it’s all going to work out. Ever been there?
My tendency in such times is to stop living. I get so focused on the challenge at hand that I put my life and sometimes my relationships on hold. This is no way to live. OK, it usually takes me a while to learn things; but learn I do! This “storm” in my life is presenting me with a wonderful opportunity to learn patience and detachment. It presents me with another lesson in what it means to be so detached that I can continue to LIVE in the midst of the storm. Do what I must, yes. But then, let go and allow it to go where it will.
We CAN live in the midst of the storm!
Calculating Happiness November 6, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment.Tags: Detachment, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, Religion, Spirituality
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Whether it’s about our personal growth, our finances, our careers or remodeling our homes we spend a good bit of time calculating what we need to do to reach our goals. This is a good thing, because if we just jump without some research, thought and prayer we’re apt to not to reach our goals, or to get ourselves into bad situations.
I was reading Luke 14: 25-33 today and Jesus speaks about such planning. But what’s really curious is that the “planning” that we need to do in order to live well (aka be his follower), he says, is to “renounce all our possessions.” Go figure!? I don’t think that would be the advise that anyone would give us, . . . would it? It probably wouldn’t be the advise that any good person would give in his day, since having possessions and health were considered evidence of one’s right relationship with God. So if wealth equaled being in right relationship with God, Jesus turns that upside down by saying: NO! To be in right relationship with God and others “renounce all your possessions!” I don’t see many of us literally doing this, whether fundamentalist or progressive. So what could this mean for us?
Do I cling to people, places or things? If I do, I am not living in freedom. Do I hoard what I have, whether that’s my possessions, my friends, my lover? If I do, I am not living in freedom. Yes, we all need to think, to calculate and be responsible with our jobs, careers, schooling, our loved ones. But that being done, then we need to let go and let God. In “renouncing” (aka, letting go) of all that I want, can I trust that I will be lead and given all that I need, whether it be love, joy or happiness?
You know, when I look back at my life, it is precisely the times when I have let go of worry about my own time and my own concerns, that I have been most happy.
I Surrender! October 17, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment, Surrender.Tags: Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, Meditation, Prayer, Religioin, Spirituality, Surrender
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This morning as I meditated I felt a sense of surrender. My thoughts and my prayer were not centered so much in what I want or need, but in how I could be an expression of the Divine.
So often our prayer can be about what we want or need in life. Ultimately we are an expression of the Eternal or Unmanifested spoken into form. If I am an expression of the Divine, perhaps my emphasis in prayer should be more on how the Divine wants to express itself in my life, rather than how and what I (read – the ego) want the Divine to do in and for me.
It feels good to surrender, to be taken, to allow oneself to enter an adventure – to walk into the unknown, to be lead. There is a sense of ease about surrender. Instead of the work involved in trying to arrange my life as I want it, there is an ease about surrendering and allowing myself to be lead.
The synchronicity of things amazes me sometimes. Just as this sense of surrender was emerging from within, I read this passage in my morning prayer: “We must let ourselves be plowed so that the furrows of our person become deeper and deeper, so that our earth becomes softer and softer” (Jean-Marie Howe, Cistercian Monastic Life/Vows: A Vision, p. 367). Perhaps it is in surrender that I become a softer person and, conversely, perhaps its in running and trying to arrange it all myself that I become hardened.
Perhaps today we could think more about what the Divine wants to do in us, rather than what we want out of the Divine.
The Love Doctor October 8, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment, Ego, Relationships.Tags: Detachment, Eckhart Tolle, Ego, Family, Gay Cahtolic, Gay Christian, Gay Relationships, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
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This morning after prayer and meditation, I read a section of Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now. At a coffee shop recently a friend of mine saw me reading that book and said: “Are you STILL reading that book? Haven’t you finished it yet?” What I’ve been doing though is just reading a little bit everyday, kind of like a daily meditation. This morning I continued reading his section on relationships and how to deal with stress or conflict.
For any of you who are partnered, I highly recommend this read. Any of us who are alive and breathing have relationships, whether they be partners, family, co-workers or friends. Conflicts are inevitable. Tolle gives some great direction on how to deal with those situations when someone starts getting on your nerves. He speaks of getting outside the ego, and approaching the person from a place of inner “presence.” When we have our judging ego out of the way, we can peacefully point out things to our partners, friends or co-workers. By doing so we remove judgment and emotionally charged response. Of course, if the other person isn’t present and is in their ego, they will probably get hurt and react in some way. It’s important for us not to get our ego back in the picture by reacting in turn. But if they are awake, they will be able to simply listen. Conversely, when someone points something out to us in a non-judgmental way, we will simply be able to listen without judging or reacting.
Some great advise, I think, for living and loving well. I’ve got a ways to go in getting my ego out of the way. But this is a great tool to have and to practice, instead of allowing emotional reaction to run amuck!
Happiness and the Ever Allusive Boyfriend September 16, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment, Freedom, Happiness.Tags: Anthony de Mello, Boyfriends, Carl Jung, Dating, Detachment, Eckhart Tolle, Freedom, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gay Life, gay spirituality, Happiness, Possessions, Religion, Spirituality, Victor Fanckl, Wayne Dyer
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Once again, I’m not strictly speaking of finding a boyfriend, but happiness, the ever allusive happiness that we all seek.
Last night at a coffee shop I began reading a book called The Way to Love: The Last Meditations of Anthony de Mello. Anthony de Mello was a Jesuit priest and spiritual guide who, in his many books and conferences, brought together Eastern and Western spirituality. He himself was raised in India so was familiar with Eastern concepts. If you have not read anything by him or about him I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! It’s amazing how very much in line he is with the thinking of Tolle, Dyer, Jung, Frankl and many others who speak of being free of ego attachments and realizing the grace of living happiness in this moment no matter what is happening around us. These people, I believe, like the Christ, have keys that can make a tremendous difference in living a happy, more peaceful life. The Way to Love is a very small volume, something you could carry in your pocket, but is packed with lots of insight and practical wisdom that can change the way you go about life! It’s published by Image Books, Doubleday.
Last night, on the heals of yesterday’s meditation, I read De Mello’s take on ever allusive happiness. He says we are programmed from birth to believe that we cannot be happy without things, that happiness lay somewhere in the future when I get this person, thing or place. Or we are programmed to believe that if we just change the situation and the people around us, then we’ll be happy, or when all our desires are fulfilled we’ll be happy. All of these are FALSE. It is only when we stop clinging to these things that we begin to experience what peace and happiness is. It is only when we let go of these things and simply live this moment and accept what is here and now that we can begin to live in a greater state of peace and happiness. For then we won’t waste a tremendous amount of time and energy trying to get this or that or to change this or that circumstance in our lives (See pp.5-12 The Way to Love) It’s difficult for me to put this in words, but I know what it feels like when I stop looking to the future for happiness, or some person, place of thing. I know what it is to experience peace and happiness when I accept interruptions to my day, or when my day hasn’t gone as I had planned, or when something seemingly bad happens. I know what it feels like when I simply accept that and stop resisting it.
I want to continue exploring this. I find myself being lead to read Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning which chronicles his experiences when he was in a concentration camp in World War II and how he found that even in such horrible and unspeakably inhumane circumstances, one could still be happy. Imagine the freedom!
I NEED A BOYFRIEND! September 15, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment.Tags: Dating, Detachment, Eckhart Tolle, Gay, Gay Relationships, LGBT, Personal Growth, Queer, Relationships, Self Help
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OK, I really don’t NEED a boyfriend (Although if there are any good guys out there, drop me a line! 
). I woke up this morning and looked over at the other side of the bed, the empty side, and I immediately found myself thinking that I was missing something, and that if I just had “him” (whoever “he” might be) laying next to me and walking through life with me, then life would be good! Gratefully, I quickly “woke up” and realized that I was beginning to feel badly due to some perceived lack, when the reality is, life is good right now in this moment!
Do you ever find yourself thinking or feeling that? Ever find yourself thinking and yearning for this or that, whether it’s a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, a house, a new apartment, new furniture, moving to a new place, being this or that kind of person, or in this or that kind of profession? “If I just had that. If I just had him. If I just lived there. If I just were a ______ (fill in the blank). If I just didn’t suffer from _________. If I just had a different job. If I just had a different partner. If I just had a day off . . .Then life would be good!” And the list goes on. Consciously or unconsciously most of us walk through our days with such thoughts running around in our heads. And as a result we stay in a perpetual state of agitation and lack of fulfillment.
We are always bombarded with messages that say just that. Listen to love songs, observe commercials, watch sitcoms and movies. The message is usually: “You lack this and you really need it. Then you’ll live happily ever after!” Look at shows like American Idol and the like. People clamor after fame and this perceived “good life.” When I get there, then life will be great! Every day we are bombarded with images of beautiful people with seemingly perfect lives, or even spiritual “gurus” who make us believe that we too could have what they have and then we would be happy! If we get to the day to day reality of these people’s lives we will find that their reality, their concerns, their struggles are much like ours. Eckhart Tolle says that whether we have seemingly “arrived” or not, the world of form will ALWAYS disappoint. If we place our happiness or our fulfillment on this person, place, thing or fame of some sort – and even if we place our spiritual fulfillment on some future happening or place we go to – we will be frustrated. The key he says is accepting what is NOW and simply living the present moment. Once we do so, we will find a peace and contentment that is true and NOT DEPENDENT on our external environment or having this or that. Then, ironically, we will fully and freely (without clinging) enjoy the people, things or places that are around us.
Attacked by a Feeling and Can’t Let Go. Help!!! August 29, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment, Ego.Tags: Detachment, Eckhart Tolle, Ego, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gay Life, LGBTQ, Observing Thoughts, Queer, Religion, Spirituality
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Are you ever attacked by a feeling that grabs you out of the blue and holds you captive? OK, I’m going to be embarrassed to admit this, but here goes. At the airport a couple of weeks ago I saw two cute guys talking in a bar/restaurant and it became obvious to me that they had just met and were interested in each other. Before they parted for their flights they exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. I found myself jealous. How stupidly immature it seemed of me! Where the hell was this coming from?
When I was able to step back and simply observe what I was feeling I quickly came to realize that this was a perfect example of the ego within. The ego ALWAYS wants more and is NEVER satisfied. It constantly reaches out for something more to fill its seeming emptiness. Sometimes it’s things. Sometimes it’s a place. And sometimes it’s a person. We are driven by it at various times. Instead of remembering all that we have had and have in our lives and being content with that, the ego constantly keeps us agitated, insisting that we MUST have this NOW, or else we will find ourselves eternally unhappy! This is the great lie, the great illusion that keeps us running after this or that. The advertising industry knows this full well!
The paradox is that if we listen to the ego and keep reaching out for what we don’t have, we will INDEED be unhappy! Conversely, if we gently let go of the screaming ego in our minds and become present, we will find that we lack nothing and we become open again to what Life will bring in THIS moment. When I became conscious of this, suddenly I wasn’t jealous of these two guys anymore and, with a smile, I wished them well as I overheard one of them call the other guy shortly after they parted and leave him a message. Who knows, maybe it will be a love connection that carries them through life?
When I become conscious of the chatter and pull of the ego, I quickly am able to let go. Envy turns to gratitude and celebration! And, paradoxically, in the letting go I am open to Life as it is and become present to Its surprises.
Are You Thriving? August 19, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Detachment.Tags: Detachment, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Religion, Spirituality
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What do you need to do to follow your dream, to be the person you were created to be? What do you need to do to follow the path, to stay centered, awake and alert to Life?
Are you following your dream and being the person you were created to be? Are you following a path that keeps you centered, awake and alert to Life?
If not, what needs to change?
In order to walk the path, to make dreams reality, most probably we will have to let go of something, or someone. It could be our time, a bad habit, a person or a place. It could be as simple as adjusting how our day is structured or as daunting as leaving an abusive relationship or job. If we are unwilling to let go of that which hinders us from thriving and growing we will get stuck. When we choose one thing, we let go of another. Or, put in a more positive frame, when we shut one door, other doors open.
What do I need to let go of in order to thrive? What am I willing to let go of? Is there some behavior, some person, some place, some way of being that is blocking me from growing? Can I trust that in letting go of that which hinders my growth, doors will open that bring me to a better place in life? If I am unwilling to let go and explore new avenues, if I cling to people, places or things and am unwilling to let go, I am like the “rich” person who cannot experience the Kingdom of God.
Allow me to paraphrase a bit of Matthew 19: 23-30.
“I assure you, only with difficulty will the rich – those who cling to everything – experience the Kingdom of God. . . .However, everyone who has given up home, brothers or sisters, father or mother, wife or children or property – everyone who is detached and willing to let go of that which hinders them from growing – will experience unending Life!”
Now, don’t run out and get rid of your children, leave home, break up with your Partner etc! Obviously the author of Matthew is speaking to a Jewish Christian community that is experiencing deep divisions within their own families; some following Christ and others staying with their Jewish ways. Some families are literally being ripped apart by this. What this can say to us is, what behaviors, thinking, people, things or places do we need to let go of in order to thrive in life?
