Stay Connected . . . And Do It! August 10, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Uncategorized.Tags: Action, Bible, Catholicsm, Christianity, Fear, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, LGBT, Religion, Spirituality, Work
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When I am connected to my Source, taking the time to pray, meditate and read all of a sudden it seems that life begins to flow, take shape and my work is given wings. Life takes off. Conversely, when I am not connected, I am like a hampster in a cage that runs and runs and gets nowhere – fast.
“God is able to make every grace abundant for you.” (See 2Corinthians 9: 6-10).
I have of late been taking some risks. At times I have been frightened, but I have to believe that, if what I am doing is in the flow of Divine grace – God will provide – and provide ABUNDANTLY. The important thing is that I stay connected and then, just do it.
Sometimes It Takes A While March 30, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Fear, Trust.Tags: 12 Steps, AA, Anxiety, Bible, Catholicism, Christianity, Fear, Gay, Gay Cathlolic, Gay Christian, Religion, Spirituality, Trust
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NOTE: Again, I have to apologize that I am not consistent in writing for those who read my blog. I am in the midst of a move and things are very busy. You might want to consult one of my previous meditations in the mean time. I hope that you find what I write here helpful and uplifting to your spirit!
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I so wish I was one of those people who are always able to walk with a sense of peace in the knowledge that they will be taken care of, that it will all work out. I confess to you that I am not. When something comes up, be it financial, a concern for a friend, work or the world, my first reaction is to get all upset. I oftentimes get down on myself for reacting this way. Come on, after all, I’m a person of faith ain’t I?? Would a person of faith react this way? Does anyone else feel this way?
I hope one day to grow into being one of those people who always walk with a sense of peace and trust. It must be a wonderful way to live. In the mean time though, I have to realize that it’s a process. These times are good practice for me to grow into being that person. I am given lessons, again and again, to trust when matters are out of my control – and it’s precisely this “practice” that will lead me to a greater sense of trust and freedom.
So, if you’re like me and get down on yourself for not reacting in a better way, give yourself a break. It’s a process. The fact is, after a few days of fretting about this or that, I usually do surrender to trust and regain a sense of equilibrium. Sometimes it just takes a while.
Does God Really Care About Religion? March 23, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Religion, Spirituality Vss. Religion.Tags: Anxiety, Bible, Catholicism, Christianity, Divorce, Fear, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Lent, Marriage, Religion, Religion Versus Spirituality, Spirituality
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I question myself more and more as to whether God really cares about religious structures and institutions at all. Does God really care about all these humanly created laws? Does God really care about how this or that Worship Service or Liturgy is done? Does God really care about what kind of music is used? Does God really care about restricting people from access to the Table? Does God really care about not eating meat on the Fridays of Lent? Does God really care whether food is kosher or not? Does God really care about proving whether one was “actually” married or not through an annulment before getting married again? Does God really care about barring gay people from marriage, anymore than God would care about eating shrimp (which nobody listens to in the first place, even though it’s listed in the “abominations” in Leviticus – not to mention a woman being put to death who cheats on her husband, conveniently with no mention as to what is to happen to the man!). Does God really care about ANY of this?
In the end, does any of this matter? Some I have met who are into enforcing religious law are among the most judgmental, mean spirited people I have ever met. Conversely, those who have had the law inflicted upon them and internalized it live with the most abject fear of their acceptability in the eyes of God that I have seen. Indeed, isn’t it “sinful” to have instilled such fear in the hearts of these good people? What is of greater importance? Living the letter of religious law, or building people up by being a loving, self giving person?
Yesterday in my church, we heard the story of the man born blind from John’s Gospel. In the end, who was really blind? Were the blind man and Jesus the “sinners,” as accused by the upright religious folk in the story; or was it the religious folk themselves, intent on the letter of the law? I can only imagine that the spirit of evil rejoices when people get all caught up in religious law! Ironic that those who are not caught up in it, those who do not abide by it, or those who question it are the very ones called “bad.”
What’s more important in life? I believe that sometimes religious law serves only to blind us to what is really important in being a person of God.
Are You Afraid? March 20, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Anxiety, Fear.Tags: Bible, Catholocism, Christianity, Fear, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, God, Personal Growth, Religion, Spirituality, Trust
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I think of various people in my life and the fear that they carry. I think of friends who are unemployed, dealing with family situations, fearing for their children’s future, trying to make ends meet, trying to support a partner who is depressed, a friend who battles panic disorder – somewhat brought on by the “fear of God” instilled in her as a child. I think of those in far distant lands who daily live in fear for their lives – people in Iraq, Darfur and Zimbabwe. I think too of the fear that I carry within me about my future and my job as a gay man in church ministry. There is a lot of fear out there and a lot of fear within. So how do we alleviate some of this fear?
Trust.
Do you know one of those people who, despite life’s circumstances, continue to trust that God will indeed take care of them? I know of a man who has been unemployed for almost a year now, recently divorced, trying to care for his three children. He is one of the happiest, most peaceful, self giving people I know. I’m sure he has his moments, but in general he exudes a sense of peacefulness and trust. Wouldn’t that be a great way to go through life? After all, does all our worry make any difference at all?
If I am in fear, can I take a step in trust today and live a little more peacefully and positively, trusting that somehow things will work out? Can I see God as a loving, good parent who wants the best for His/Her children? Easier said than done I know. Some days it might be easier and other days more difficult. That’s ok. But just a small step in trust might help us get on with life and what we need to do. And really, wouldn’t that be a much better way to go through life?
Outside The Walls March 11, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Prophecy, Risk, Speaking the Truth.Tags: Bible, Christianity, Courage, Fear, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Harvey Milk, Milk, Prophets, Religion, Spirituality
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Take a look at Jeremiah 18: 18-20 and Matthew 20: 17-28.
Two prophets, once hailed and sought after, now ridiculed and plotted against.
I remain amazed at those who have the courage to speak up and go against great powers that be. Not those who just spout off to spout off, but those prophets in our midst who speak out of a conviction that is born of love. I admire such love and the courage that it takes to finally speak out. I can only imagine the risk involved and the trust that somehow in the midst of it all, God will provide.
The movie “Milk” illustrates this well. If you have not seen it, I highly recommend it. It shows the journey of a prophet, the ups and downs, the fears and the triumphs, and ultimately . . . the price. It shows a man who, at 40 years old, feels he has done little in his life. It shows a man with a growing fire in his belly, wondering about himself, wondering about the injustice that he sees, until after a very long time of gestation, finally he speaks out and takes action. And in a few short years his life and the lives of thousands are transformed. . . . All because one day, one courageous day, his silence ended and he spoke out.
Do I have such courage? Do we? I wonder. I really wonder if most of us remain quiet about issues that really matter to us so as not to ruffle feathers, in order to keep a placid, yet lifeless peace? Of course, some of us have much at stake. Corporate whistle blowers loose their jobs, people are thrown out of churches, excommunicated, loose their families, gain the respect of some and loose the respect of some who they thought would always stand by their side. When things heated up and He got arrested, even the disciples ran and hid. “I tell you, I don’t even know the man!” said one of His closest – Peter.
I want the courage of the prophet. And, I don’t want it. Can I pay the price? Can I trust enough? I don’t know.
Paralyzed February 21, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in One Step At A Time, Personal Growth, Take Action!.Tags: Christianity, Depression, Fear, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, GLBT, Homiletics, Queer, Spirituality
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Mark 2: 1-12
Did you ever feel paralyzed, emotionally, physically or spiritually?
Sometimes life is like that. We get stuck. Moving forward seems impossible. I have recently been in one of those paralyzed seasons of life. Can I believe that the same Power that set free, healed and raised to new life can, even now, do the same?
When I am paralyzed I am without energy. However, I must put one foot in front of another and keep moving. I may not “feel” like it, but I must keep moving. Oftentimes we may not “feel” like doing something, but there is Power in just taking one small step to do it anyway. Love is that way sometimes isn’t it? Work is that way. Life is that way. We may not feel like doing this or that; but it’s important to do it anyway. And in the taking of one small step, there can be contained a Power that lifts and heals and raises to new life. Sometimes it’s just a matter of moving, just taking a step.
What paralyzes you today? What keeps you from moving, from taking a step?
Sometimes fear keeps us from risking a step in life. We fear the unknown and so settle for a lifeless sense of comfort. Yet sometimes we are beckoned to take one step, just take a step, just one risk and see where the path might lead. We may find ourselves freed from the paralysis of our comfortable, secure life and born into an adventure that promises no security, but gives birth to a lived life.
Take a step today!
Relinquishing Fear October 10, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Fear.Tags: A Course in Miracles, Anxiety, Fear, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, Marianne Williamson, Religion, Spiritual Path, Spirituality
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This morning I began looking through Marianne Williamson’s book A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, which a friend of mine gave me the other day. In the introduction I think she has one of the best definitions of spirituality that I have seen:
“The spiritual journey is the relinquishment – or unlearning – of fear and the acceptance of love back in our hearts.” (p.xxii)
I think she gets to the heart of what it is to live a spiritual path. What immediately came to my mind when I read this sentence was a time in my life when I was really struggling. I felt trapped and saw no way out. All I saw was the downward spiral that I was in. One day I knelt and prayed that I would somehow be freed, and even as I prayed I had little faith that this darkness would pass. Soon after, however, I began to have more and more thoughts of what life would be like outside of this spiral. This is what I began concentrating on and soon after, I found myself moving beyond fear to freedom.
It was only when my thoughts of fear were replaced with exciting thoughts of a new life, that I began to move to a new place of freedom. Fear was replaced with possibility. This is such a good reminder to me when I find myself struggling with whatever issue. If I stay with thoughts of fear, I will remain trapped. But if I place before my eyes a vision of what can be, a Power greater than myself will begin to move me in that direction.
Perhaps today, instead of worrying, instead of fretting over something in our lives, we might replace those thoughts with a vision of freedom, keep our focus there and see what happens.
The Price of Speaking Up August 31, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Relationships, Speaking the Truth.Tags: Character Defects, Conflict Resolution, Confrontation, Courage, Fear, Gay, gay spirituality, Homosexuality, LGBT, Prophecy, Queer, Religion, Spirituality, Truth
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Jeremiah 20: 7-9
Matthew 16: 21-27
Sometimes the truth is a real pain in the ass!
Were you ever in a situation, perhaps in your church, job or in a political situation, or perhaps in your own family, where people were talking about something with which you passionately disagreed? Or perhaps it was a friend of yours or your own partner who was doing something that was hurting him/herself or others. You knew in your heart that you needed to say something, but were afraid of what the reaction would be. Your heart began to pound as you gathered the courage to speak up. And then you finally did. Chances are, there were some people that did not like what you said.
The reality is, sometimes people are not going to like us if we speak up. We see in the readings from Jeremiah and Matthew how Jeremiah and Jesus are hated for what they say. I’m sure both were tempted to just put up and shut up. Life would have probably been more peaceful, more tidey. Yet somehow, when we don’t speak up, something inside of us dies. A Word inside of us dies and a person or persons who might otherwise be lifted up to a new way of thinking and being, go on their way living half a life.
It’s important to remember that when prophets speak they don’t speak in anger. They don’t just throw around negative energy. They speak out of a place of love and concern.
Am I willing to let go my ego’s desire to be liked, in order that someone might hear a word of challenge that may help them? Do I have the courage to speak the truth in love?
Speak Your Truth! July 12, 2008
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Fear, The Power to Change.Tags: Catholicism, Christianity, Fear, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, GLBT, Queer, Religion, Spirituality, Truth
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Matthew 10: 24-33
“As for you, every hair of your head has been counted; so do not be afraid of anything. You are worth more than an entire flock of sparrows.”
We think we’re alone, but we’re not. We are known and loved through and through and we are assured over and over that we have nothing to fear. “Do not let them intimidate you!” Again, when we speak our truth, sometimes we will feel intimidated. People will react. But there is a truth in us which will be a blessing to others! Remember that! “What I tell you in darkness, speak in the light.”
Someone needs our truth, our perspective on life. Someone will be changed, comforted and blessed by it. If we remain in the darkness for fear of what people will say, the blessing that we are remains in darkness and lifeless. We are like a seed that does not take root; so much potential laying dormant.
Perhaps today we could practice speaking our truth in, not focusing on “what people might say,” but focusing instead on what a blessing our truth will be for others. And remember, truth is always to be spoken in love. Jesus’ early followers were indeed intimidated, harassed, and even killed for the truth they spoke. But countless others were given new life by it. Maybe if we focus on that, it will take some of the fear away.
