I Want More August 8, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Change, Gay, Gay Christian, gay spirituality.Tags: Depression, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, Religion, Spirituality
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Do you ever get to a point in your life where you feel like you’re walking through a wilderness – arid and lifeless?
This morning as I meditated I prayed these words: “In the wilderness God sustained them; God shielded them and cared for them, guarding them with a loving eye.” (Deuteronomy 32)
I was suddenly reminded that whatever my wilderness, I will be sustained – if I do the things I need to stay connected to the Source.
Sometimes when I look at gay culture and its emphasis on body beautiful, youth, fashion, clubs etc. I sometimes think of it as a wilderness. Are there others who live in this culture and wonder if there is something more? Of course, part of the reason for this wilderness is that we have been forced into the desert by a segment of society and religion that casts us aside. And we have been left to find a way ourselves. And at times, when I am not well connected and centered, I find myself sucked into this surface wilderness.
I am reminded that, whatever our wilderness is, we can be sustained, shielded and guarded with a loving eye. For me, this means doing what I need to stay connected to the Source and gathering with others who seek a deeper way.
Thy Kingdom Come June 2, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in The Meaning of Life.Tags: Bible, Catholicism, Christianity, Death, Gay, gay spirituality, GLBT, Life, Materialism, Meaning, Religion, Spirituality
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I have, of late, been extremely focused on and busy about the details of selling a house, buying a house, moving and all that entails.
Today, I, along with a large community of people, lay to rest a bright, compassionate young man who was killed in an auto accident.
In the presence of such an event I am again reminded that the building of our “kingdoms” here don’t matter a great deal. What matters is the building of hearts, the building up of people. This is true wealth, the creation of true beauty – and it is only this that gives joy and meaning to life.
I realize that this is one of those seasons of transition in life; yet it begs me to ask the question: How much time do I give to the care of “things?” Conversely, how much time do I give to the care of people?
Thy kingdom come.
Staying Connected May 10, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Mind-Spirit Food, Personal Growth.Tags: Bible, Catholicism, Christianity, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gay Life, gay spirituality, GLBT, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality, The Source
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John 15: 1-8
“I am the vine. . . . Remain in me.”
To what or to whom do you stay connected? Is it a good connection? Is it a connection that feeds you, one that nourishes your spirit, one that gives you joy and life? To what or to whom do you turn to when the chips are down?
If I am to be honest, I have to say that sometimes I turn to things or people that are not the best for me. My spirit ends up further eroded. Gratefully I eventually return to the Source that does nourish my spirit in good ways – and people that share and support that connection.
When I remove myself from my Source due to busyness, worry, compulsive behavior and the like, I begin to whither. I can literally feel the life force drain from my body. When I seek to re-establish that connection I feel the life force return.
To what, or to Whom are you connected? Is it a good connection?
Now Is The Time May 5, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Procrastination, Take Action!.Tags: Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gay Life, gay spirituality, LGBT, Now, Procrastination, Religion, Spirituality
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This past weekend I was talking to a friend who is very much into fitness. She is hot to say the least! Her upper arms are like a fine sculpture. OK, lest you think I’ve gone the other way, I’d really like her upper arms, but on a guy! On to my point. I told her that I really need to get back into my exercise routine. I said I would do it as soon as this transition in my life is over and in place. She looked at me and said: “Why wait? Do it now!”
Why do I think that I don’t have the time to take care of myself in the midst of busy transition? The reality is that if I don’t take care of myself, consequences loom. Already I feel the pain of acid in my stomach as worry consumes me, a pain that would work itself out with some stress reducing exercise!
Is there something in your life that you’re putting off until the “right time comes?” In reality, there is no right time. Now is the right time. Go for it! . . . And pray that I can too!
Higher Power – What A Gift! May 1, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Hope.Tags: Anxiety, Bible, Christianity, Depression, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, Hope, Psalm 139, Religion, Spirituality
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I find myself of late so very grateful for my belief in a Higher Power – and that Power’s ability to do what I cannot, even changing negative circumstance into a dance! I simply do not know what I would do if I didn’t have this still point to go to in the midst of great uncertainty and difficulty. It becomes life breath to me. To have a vision of hope, even amidst great uncertainty is such a gift! To believe that unexpectedly good things can come of life’s brokenness is a gift beyond price.
I don’t understand why some things happen. If I had the power to turn back the hands of time and change some things I would – but I do not have that power. However, I do believe that there is a Power that can draw straight lines with the crookedness that befalls us. This is God’s laugh in the face of darkness. “Even night is not dark for you and the night is as clear as day” (Psalm 139). Can I believe that darkness is not dark, and that unexpected light and goodness can overcome whatever seeming darkness may befall me?
Change – A Door (We Want to Aviod) April 27, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Change.Tags: Bible, Catholicism, Change, Christianity, Gay, gay spirituality, GLBT, Personal Growth, Queer, Relationships, Religion, Self Help, Spirituality
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Acts 6: 8-15
“We’ve heard that Jesus will destroy this place and change the customs which Moses handed on to us.”
These people felt threatened! They didn’t want the system to change. When we feel threatened, when life begins to shift for whatever reason we will go to any length to keep things the way they are. The folks in Jesus’ day resorted to murder – Jesus’ murder and that of many of his followers. We have a tendency to want to silence the prophets even in our own day.
We don’t like change. But we have a choice. In some situations, we don’t have to change. Someone may be forcing a change on us against our will that is unhealthy. In such a situation we have the perfect right to refuse to change. However, many situations of change might be good for us and those we love – but we go kicking and screaming! In such situations, can I see change as an opportunity instead of a dark, negative place?
A few years ago I broke up with my boyfriend. I loved him very much and I went kicking and screaming into this breakup. I didn’t want it. However, as my Momma used to say: “hindsight is 20/20!” Looking back, that break up was needed. That very difficult change in my life threw me into a tailspin – yet opened doors and places within me that were closed while I was with him. Something seemingly negative became the doorway to new life.
Are you in the midst of a change in your life? Can we see the silver lining in the cloud and the positive things that just might unfold as a result of it?
What We Have Seen and Heard April 23, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Actions Speak.Tags: Bible, Catholicism, Christianity, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, GLBT, Peace, Religion, Spirituality, Witness
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John 3: 31-36
“The one who comes from above testifies to what they have seen and heard.”
Sometimes that’s just a bit different from prevailing religious thought. It was for Jesus. That’s why he was killed.
What have you seen and heard? What is the truth of your spiritual journey in life? How do you give witness to that? Has it gotten you in trouble with prevailing religious thought?
I think of the many people who challenge me by giving witness to goodness, kindness, self giving, sacrificial love – by never saying a word. They simply live it. They preach by the way they live. I think this is the most authentic witness that we can give to “what we have seen and heard.” When someone is able to see that I am able to grab onto faith in the midst of crisis, when someone sees that I am concerned for others, when someone is fed and calmed by my presence – I am a witness to what I have seen and heard, I am a witness to what I have read, digested, what I have prayed and meditated.
What message is my life speaking today?
Would We Recognize Him? March 13, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in On The Fringe.Tags: Bible, Christianity, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, Gay Life, gay spirituality, GLBT, Lent, Prophecy, Queer, Religion, Spirituality
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Note: For those who read these meditations, you’ve noticed that I’m not writing daily anymore. My goal is to provide meditations on Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I hope that you find these a source of help along your journey!
Would He Be Recognized Today?
If Jesus walked among us today, would he be recognized? And, if he was, I wonder who would recognize him? I suspect that those who would recognize him wouldn’t be the usual suspects.
Look at Mattew 21: 33-43, 45-46. In Jesus’ day, who were the ones who didn’t recognize him? Many times in the Gospels it was the established religious leaders who didn’t recognize him – the ones supposedly in charge of the vineyard. Curious hugh? Is the same true today?
Those who did recognize Jesus were most often those you would least suspect: the uneducated, the poor, the sick, those rejected by their religion, women, those known to be sinners, those on the fringe. These are the people who recognized him.
It can really be a pain sometimes to be on the fringe of religion or society. It’s difficult. If you find yourself on the fringe, take heart. You just might be in the best place to recognize the truth and depth of his message – even though the powers that be may tell you otherwise.
You Want to Live? March 4, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in 12 Step Spirituality, Addiction, Change, Happiness, Lent.Tags: AA, Addiction, Bible, Catholicism, Change, Christianity, Church, Gay, Gay Catholic, Gay Christian, gay spirituality, GLBT, Lent, Personal Growth, Queer, Religion, Spirituality, Twelve Steps
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Jonah 3: 1-10
If someone told you that if you didn’t stop doing something you would soon be dead, would you stop doing that thing which is destroying you? I think most of us, if given the chance would indeed stop and choose to live! Jonah called out to the people, telling them that if they didn’t change they would soon be dead; and the people quickly turned from their death dealing ways and chose life.
Most of the time, we don’t have a Jonah though. We don’t have someone telling us to stop some negative pattern of behavior so that we might experience the best Life has to offer. Or if we do, we take their call to us as a personal affront, instead of seeing it as a gesture of love and concern for our well being. Most of the time we go about our negative habits or patterns of thinking or behavior totally denying how they are affecting us and those around us.
Don’t you want to really live? Don’t you want to get out there and drink life in?
When we’re caught in some bad habit, some negative pattern it literally sucks the life out of us, doesn’t it? Think about some negative thinking you might have, some negative behavior, some ingrained bad habit. Doesn’t it sap the life out of you, not to mention those around you?
I believe that God wants us to live, wants us to drink life in and get rid of those things that hold us from doing just that. Lent then really isn’t about gloom and doom. It’s about rising from the graves that we’ve built for ourselves. It’s about naming the lie that this or that behavior is going to make me feel better; when in reality it’s sucking the life out of me! It’s about letting go of that which has kept us mired in winter’s lifelessness. It’s about taking some small step away from something which is killing us or those around us and stepping into a new springtime of living!
Good Soil January 28, 2009
Posted by theguyoutsidethewalls in Personal Growth.Tags: Catholicism, Christianity, Gay, gay spirituality, GLBT, Personal Growth, Relationships, Religion, Source, Source Energy, Spirituality
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Each of us is a Word of God spoken in time. We each have a mission, something that we are to do, someone only we can touch.
In order to be a good Word, in order to thrive and to do what we are meant to do, we must be planted and nourished. We need to be rooted. Like the seed that falls on good ground and produces abundantly, I have to ask myself, what is the “good ground” in which I am planted? What wells do I go to to be filled and nourished, to care for the growth of the seed within me?
I know in my own life that if I begin to skim time in reflection and meditation, some time in good, solid spiritual reading, some time given for others, I quickly begin to whither on the vine. It’s like the Life Force within me literally begins to fade and die – and then I am good for nothing or no one.
In order to thrive, I must continually connect with the Source. In order to thrive, my environment needs to be one in which the seed can grow and mature. I know too, that for me, there are times when I must leave my normal environment and retreat to an out of the way place in order to gain perspective, to stop, think and simply listen.
What does the seed of Life within you need right now in order to grow and thrive a bit more?
