I ran across a guy I know the other day and man, he looked good! I think he likes me, but I’m not sure of the nature of his liking me. Is it as a friend? A friend and romantic interest? Just a social acquaintance?
If you’re anything like me, any modicum of self assurance by which I live sometimes goes flying right out the window when I am in front of someone in whom I am romantically interested! And then the mind starts going: “What does he think of me? DOES he think of me? Does he like me? Am I good enough for him? Would he ever date me?” And the chatter goes on and on. I now realize that when I am in such a state, I am clearly not aware and centered. The ego has taken over.
When I am able to step back from this chatter, I realize that this is not me, it’s the ego. The ego wants him badly. The ego always wants more and is never satisfied. The ego is what makes me self conscious. It makes me think that I am lacking something and that I must always be grabbing after something or someone outside of myself to complete me or make me happy. This is the greatest fallacy of the dating game and relationships. And that’s why so many relationships fail! We enter them thinking that we lack something and that this other person is going to give it to us. Over time, we realize that they’re not going to give us happiness, or security or the like and we are again left with ourselves
When I am centered in the deepest sense of who I am beyond the ego’s chatter, self confidence returns, precisely because I’m not grabbing after something or someone, but simply PRESENT to them! No expectations. When I am able to be present to someone without looking to them to give me something that I think I don’t have (i.e., happiness, a full rich life, love, connectedness) then I am truly able to relate to them from a peaceful, detached place. And this is a good basis for a relationship that is good and true and not based in self seeking. A relationship based in self seeking is doomed to be a disappointment.
If you’re single, . . . how’s your dating game going? If you’re partnered, how present are you to your partner?