Tag Archives: Relationships

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!

I am reminded again that relationships with God and others take practice.

 

When I was a child and took music lessons my parents would constantly prod me to practice. Any musician or athlete knows that it takes lots of practice, sometimes tedious practice to develop any sense of ease and freedom in playing. Being a musician I know this and only wish that I had spent more time in practice! We may initially resent our parents or others who lovingly prod and push us to be the best that we can be. In retrospect we may find that they have given us a great gift!

 

I know it takes lots of practice to develop a talent, but why is it that I think my relationship with God and others should just come automatically? Those skilled at relationships take time working at them. How often do I take the time to resolve an issue in a relationship? Sometimes we just go on, never really talking through or resolving the issue. In terms of our relationship with God, it also takes practice. They don’t call it “spiritual practice,” or “practicing faith” for nothing! But sometimes I get so tired of practicing – taking the time to meditate and pray whether alone or with others. It seems like such a waste of time. There’s so much else to be done!

 

It is only in daily practice that I gain any skill, depth and freedom  as a musician or an athlete and it takes daily practice to gain that same skill, depth and freedom in loving relationships, whether with people or with God. What practices do I have in place that develop my relationship with God and others?


I DON’T WANNA!

I have so NOT been into my zazen sitting/meditation practice lately! The sweetness has disappeared and sometimes it takes everything for me to stay with the meditation and not bolt! I simply don’t want to do it! I’m not feeling anything. It doesn’t seem like I’m getting anything out of it.

It’s precisely during times like these when I should stay with it.

Developing any kind of disciplined practice is countercultural. We live in a culture which basically says: when ya stop feeling it – move on to something else. That’s why we live in a “throw away” society, where we see much brokenness in relationships.

Whether it is in my job, my writing, my meditation practice, my relationship/s, my music practice – it’s precisely when the going gets tough, boring or unfulfilling that I should stick with it. Just because I’m not “feeling” it doesn’t mean that nothing’s happening. Just become I’m not “feeling” it doesn’t mean I should stop my practice or acts of love toward another. Something magical actually happens when we stick with it.

In the book Benedict’s Dharma: Buddhists Reflect on the Rule of St. Benedict Norman Fisher, a Zen priest, married man and co-abbot of the San Francisco Zen Center for five years says this: “After going through a time when you don’t enjoy your practice (add here job, relationship, exercise etc), you learn that the tough time is always where the reward comes in.” Somehow in the process of sticking with something or someone a greater depth, fulfillment and freedom is developed within us.

So, even though I don’t wanna, . . .can I keep trudging along and discover the reward that exists on the other side of boredom?


THE MOST AWESOME ORGASM!

NOTE: I AM FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO POST EVERYDAY, LET ALONE A FEW TIMES A WEEK. FOR THOSE WHO READ THIS BLOG, I WILL TRY TO POST EVERY SUNDAY, THEN PERHAPS SOME DAY OR DAYS DURING THE WEEK, BUT AT THE MINIMUM I WILL TRY TO POST EVERY SUNDAY. Enjoy the journey!

We all chase after it, in one way or another. We somehow expect that in this life we will find total fulfillment and happiness whether it be through our spouse/partner, that “perfect someone,” through our work, our house, our car, friends, our children, our church, synagogue, temple or mosque, our guru – our favorite self help writer, our minister, priest and the like. Somehow all of us expect perfect happiness on this side of life, whether we’re aware of it or not.

Think about it. We place high expectations on our boyfriend/girlfriend, our spouse, friends, spiritual path, church and even ourselves to bring us happiness and fulfillment. Somehow we expect that one day we will arrive, we will find perfect serenity, perfect consummation, perfect happiness – the perfect orgasm through one of these means.

We all feel a fundamental sense of disconnection – from our Source and from one another.. And this very incompletion makes us continually reach beyond ourselves to find completion, be it in a person, place, thing or philosophy/spirituality. And this is good. But the sooner we realize that none of this will EVER make us FULLY complete, connected, happy, etc – the more peaceful we will ultimately be. Our expectations of one another, our spouses, of possessions and even of our spiritual path become realistic.

Ronald Rolheiser, in his book The Holy Longing: The Search for A Christian Spirituality, has a great chapter on sexuality – this Divine energy which drives us to seek completion and fulfillment outside of ourselves because we all feel a sense of incompletion. Yet, he says, the truth is, we all live with the “frustration of a lifelong, unfinished symphony” (c.f. p.205ff). On this side of life we will never find the perfect orgasm, the perfect person, or constantly live in a state of total fulfillment. The good news is, the sooner we accept this, the sooner we will stop expecting people or things to bring us the total fulfillment that only Divine fulfillment can. And, consequently, the happier we will be. Much pain and sadness in life comes from disappointment born of dashed expectations that this person or thing will completely fulfill us.

So face it, we’re never going to have the perfect orgasm. Ironically, when we realize this, the more connected and fulfilled we will feel.


I WANT LOTS OF SEX!

OK, now that I have your attention . . .

It’s true. I really do want lots of sex – but not just the hot, passionate, genital kind.

I’m re-reading a book by Ron Rolheiser called The Holy Longing: The Search For a Christian Spirituality. In it, he has a great chapter on sexuality. I’d like to quote one of his definitions of sexuality:

“Sexuality is an all encompassing energy inside of us. In one sense, it is identifiable with the principle of life itself. It is the drive for love, communion, community, friendship, family, affection, wholeness, consummation, creativity, self-perpetuation, immortality, joy, delight, humor and self-transcendence (p.194).”

That’s the kinda sex I want! It’s about being connected on a wide variety of levels. It’s about connection and creativity, about living life fully!

I find that some, even me (yes me, can you believe it?? LOL!) collapse the totality of what sexuality is into simply its genital expression. Over indulgence in porn or sex has the potential of actually sapping our life energy, instead of adding to it. It can leave us empty and only half a person. Instead of feeling more connected to life, we can end up feeling separate and alone. Ultimately we seek connection – that sense of eternity and wholeness we once had before we were born into this physical universe. And on this side of life, we seek and find this wholeness in creative energies, art, music, friendship, family, solitude, life giving work and self giving love. It is when I am balanced on lots of these levels that I feel the most whole and horny – in a healthy, life giving way.

So I say, bring it on baby! That’s the kinda sex I want – and I want LOTS of it!


“I Mean To Stay At Your House”

Luke 19: 1-10

To be chosen is a wonderful thing. Remember when your partner chose you? Remember the day someone looked at you and said they loved you? Or, better yet, having known you a long time, knowing your faults and foibles, that person still loves you?

What a great thing it is to be chosen; not only at first, but day after day. What a great thing it is to be loved, despite one’s weaknesses or failures.

It must have been what Zacchaeus felt when Jesus said: “Hurry down, I mean to stay at your house.” What a wonderful thing it must have been for Zacchaeus, who was despised because he was a tax collector, to feel invited to become a part of the group again. How healing this must have been. We don’t know, but I wonder what happened to Zacchaeus over time? And notice too, despite the grumblings of the righteous folk around that Jesus was going to “go to a sinner’s house,” Jesus did not back down.

God doesn’t want to hang around on the periphery. She wants to come inside our house, the place where we are fully ourselves, gifts and warts and all. He desires to come to the place where we are fully known and there speak a word of love that has the power to move us beyond mere observers in a tree to participants in life and community. I mean to stay at your house.


Amazing Divine Synchronicity

I have been struggling with the re-emergence of a guy in my life that I once had deep feelings for. I have been struggling with the way he is living his life. I am no saint, by any means; but after many years of not being in touch, to hear of the way he is living and justifying his life surprises me.

In the midst of this struggle, I opened to a daily reading. It was from Teresa of Avila’s “Interior Castle” and this is what it said: “Let us look at our own shortcomings and leave other’s alone. . . . There is no reason why we should expect everyone else to travel by our own road, and we should not attempt to point them to the spiritual path when perhaps we don’t know what it is.”

I looked up and laughed, amazed at Divine Synchronicity. . . . And to think there are times when I have difficulty believing!

Teresa goes on to say that we might learn important lessons from the people who shock us. Indeed, it may help define more clearly what is life giving to us and who we are.

Get the focus off of him; and get it back on yourself and what you need to do to live in ways that are life giving for you.


Staying Connected

John 15: 1-8

“I am the vine. . . . Remain in me.”

To what or to whom do you stay connected? Is it a good connection? Is it a connection that feeds you, one that nourishes your spirit, one that gives you joy and life? To what or to whom do you turn to when the chips are down?

If I am to be honest, I have to say that sometimes I turn to things or people that are not the best for me. My spirit ends up further eroded. Gratefully I eventually return to the Source that does nourish my spirit in good ways – and people that share and support that connection.

When I remove myself from my Source due to busyness, worry, compulsive behavior and the like, I begin to whither. I can literally feel the life force drain from my body. When I seek to re-establish that connection I feel the life force return.

To what, or to Whom are you connected? Is it a good connection?