Tag Archives: Romance


OK, now that I have your attention . . .

It’s true. I really do want lots of sex – but not just the hot, passionate, genital kind.

I’m re-reading a book by Ron Rolheiser called The Holy Longing: The Search For a Christian Spirituality. In it, he has a great chapter on sexuality. I’d like to quote one of his definitions of sexuality:

“Sexuality is an all encompassing energy inside of us. In one sense, it is identifiable with the principle of life itself. It is the drive for love, communion, community, friendship, family, affection, wholeness, consummation, creativity, self-perpetuation, immortality, joy, delight, humor and self-transcendence (p.194).”

That’s the kinda sex I want! It’s about being connected on a wide variety of levels. It’s about connection and creativity, about living life fully!

I find that some, even me (yes me, can you believe it?? LOL!) collapse the totality of what sexuality is into simply its genital expression. Over indulgence in porn or sex has the potential of actually sapping our life energy, instead of adding to it. It can leave us empty and only half a person. Instead of feeling more connected to life, we can end up feeling separate and alone. Ultimately we seek connection – that sense of eternity and wholeness we once had before we were born into this physical universe. And on this side of life, we seek and find this wholeness in creative energies, art, music, friendship, family, solitude, life giving work and self giving love. It is when I am balanced on lots of these levels that I feel the most whole and horny – in a healthy, life giving way.

So I say, bring it on baby! That’s the kinda sex I want – and I want LOTS of it!

Do You Love Me?

John 21: 15-19

“Simon, son of John, do you love me? . . . Feed my lambs. . . . Tend my sheep. . . . Feed my sheep.”

Love, especially romantic love, is a word sometimes overused and hollow.  It points more to what I’m feeling and getting than what I’m doing and giving.  Ultimately love is about action.  It is about putting my own concerns to the side for the need of another.   If I say that I love someone, but do not back it up with action, it is not love.  Love’s action, love’s work begins when the feeling ends.

I ran into an old boyfriend of mine online last night for a brief moment.  I loved him very much, . . . with all my heart; but he had not learned the truth that love is ultimately about selfless action.  For him the fact that over time he began to “feel” love less and to “feel” less sexually charged in the relationship meant that the relationship was over.  In reality, it is quite normal over time to “feel” love less and to “feel” less sexually charged in a relationship, . . . But that’s where the real loving begins!  And anyone in a successful relationship knows how “sexy” self giving love can be to give and receive!

Love is about the ability to give of myself freely, not expecting return.  It is about living in a consciousness of abundance, not fearing the giving of my time or my resources because I know that I will be taken care of.  It is about living in a consciousness that when I give of myself  I am not somehow depleted or loosing something, so much as I am adding to the character of who I am as a person.  It is about being like the Source of all that is, eternally giving, unending in love and abundance – even when I don’t “feel” like it.

True love is also about balancing giving with self care.  Otherwise, my love and care for a person can become co-dependency and not real love.

Do you love someone?  Do you hold deep care for others in the world?  What’s something we can do today to put that love into action?