Tag Archives: Personal Growth

THE MOST AWESOME ORGASM!

NOTE: I AM FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO POST EVERYDAY, LET ALONE A FEW TIMES A WEEK. FOR THOSE WHO READ THIS BLOG, I WILL TRY TO POST EVERY SUNDAY, THEN PERHAPS SOME DAY OR DAYS DURING THE WEEK, BUT AT THE MINIMUM I WILL TRY TO POST EVERY SUNDAY. Enjoy the journey!

We all chase after it, in one way or another. We somehow expect that in this life we will find total fulfillment and happiness whether it be through our spouse/partner, that “perfect someone,” through our work, our house, our car, friends, our children, our church, synagogue, temple or mosque, our guru – our favorite self help writer, our minister, priest and the like. Somehow all of us expect perfect happiness on this side of life, whether we’re aware of it or not.

Think about it. We place high expectations on our boyfriend/girlfriend, our spouse, friends, spiritual path, church and even ourselves to bring us happiness and fulfillment. Somehow we expect that one day we will arrive, we will find perfect serenity, perfect consummation, perfect happiness – the perfect orgasm through one of these means.

We all feel a fundamental sense of disconnection – from our Source and from one another.. And this very incompletion makes us continually reach beyond ourselves to find completion, be it in a person, place, thing or philosophy/spirituality. And this is good. But the sooner we realize that none of this will EVER make us FULLY complete, connected, happy, etc – the more peaceful we will ultimately be. Our expectations of one another, our spouses, of possessions and even of our spiritual path become realistic.

Ronald Rolheiser, in his book The Holy Longing: The Search for A Christian Spirituality, has a great chapter on sexuality – this Divine energy which drives us to seek completion and fulfillment outside of ourselves because we all feel a sense of incompletion. Yet, he says, the truth is, we all live with the “frustration of a lifelong, unfinished symphony” (c.f. p.205ff). On this side of life we will never find the perfect orgasm, the perfect person, or constantly live in a state of total fulfillment. The good news is, the sooner we accept this, the sooner we will stop expecting people or things to bring us the total fulfillment that only Divine fulfillment can. And, consequently, the happier we will be. Much pain and sadness in life comes from disappointment born of dashed expectations that this person or thing will completely fulfill us.

So face it, we’re never going to have the perfect orgasm. Ironically, when we realize this, the more connected and fulfilled we will feel.


I WANT LOTS OF SEX!

OK, now that I have your attention . . .

It’s true. I really do want lots of sex – but not just the hot, passionate, genital kind.

I’m re-reading a book by Ron Rolheiser called The Holy Longing: The Search For a Christian Spirituality. In it, he has a great chapter on sexuality. I’d like to quote one of his definitions of sexuality:

“Sexuality is an all encompassing energy inside of us. In one sense, it is identifiable with the principle of life itself. It is the drive for love, communion, community, friendship, family, affection, wholeness, consummation, creativity, self-perpetuation, immortality, joy, delight, humor and self-transcendence (p.194).”

That’s the kinda sex I want! It’s about being connected on a wide variety of levels. It’s about connection and creativity, about living life fully!

I find that some, even me (yes me, can you believe it?? LOL!) collapse the totality of what sexuality is into simply its genital expression. Over indulgence in porn or sex has the potential of actually sapping our life energy, instead of adding to it. It can leave us empty and only half a person. Instead of feeling more connected to life, we can end up feeling separate and alone. Ultimately we seek connection – that sense of eternity and wholeness we once had before we were born into this physical universe. And on this side of life, we seek and find this wholeness in creative energies, art, music, friendship, family, solitude, life giving work and self giving love. It is when I am balanced on lots of these levels that I feel the most whole and horny – in a healthy, life giving way.

So I say, bring it on baby! That’s the kinda sex I want – and I want LOTS of it!


Supernova

Like a dying star
Convulsing – trying to hold on
The heat – intense as gravity folds in on itself and energy ceases
Unable to escape the intensity – I collapse inward and finally explode

Will I fall into the inescapable darkness?

Or find myself thrust outward in a burst of creative energy
Forced and forged by this seeming death
Exploding into newness – Supernova my name?

Elements strong and bright
Silver and gold are forged in this heat
Gravity’s intense pressure – beauty’s unlikely birthplace


Not Living To See the Dream

Moses, the man who lead Israel out of Egypt to the promised land, never himself made it to the promised land. He died before they got there, surrendering the people and the dream into God’s hands.

Those of us who dream a new dream and who work for gay rights, church renewal, the end of hunger and poverty, equality among all people (and the list goes on) may never live to see the “promised land.” We may never live to see the dream take shape. Does that mean that we should not, like Moses, lead others through the desert to this land?

We are sometimes the cornerstone, the building blocks that make a dream a reality – but we may never live to see the dream take shape.

What is your dream? What is a vision for a better world that you hold in your heart?

What is a step that we can take today to get to the promised land? Instead of wondering if we’ll actually see our dream realized, perhaps we should just act as if it will.


Change – A Door (We Want to Aviod)

Acts 6: 8-15

“We’ve heard that Jesus will destroy this place and change the customs which Moses handed on to us.”

These people felt threatened! They didn’t want the system to change. When we feel threatened, when life begins to shift for whatever reason we will go to any length to keep things the way they are. The folks in Jesus’ day resorted to murder – Jesus’ murder and that of many of his followers. We have a tendency to want to silence the prophets even in our own day.

We don’t like change. But we have a choice. In some situations, we don’t have to change. Someone may be forcing a change on us against our will that is unhealthy. In such a situation we have the perfect right to refuse to change. However, many situations of change might be good for us and those we love – but we go kicking and screaming! In such situations, can I see change as an opportunity instead of a dark, negative place?

A few years ago I broke up with my boyfriend. I loved him very much and I went kicking and screaming into this breakup. I didn’t want it. However, as my Momma used to say: “hindsight is 20/20!” Looking back, that break up was needed. That very difficult change in my life threw me into a tailspin – yet opened doors and places within me that were closed while I was with him. Something seemingly negative became the doorway to new life.

Are you in the midst of a change in your life? Can we see the silver lining in the cloud and the positive things that just might unfold as a result of it?


The Truth Will Set You Free

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8: 31).

 

Did you ever try to run from the truth?  Have you, or are you hiding something from your partner?  Have you ever, or are you now living in denial about some negative behavior in your life? 

 

OR

 

Have you ever, or are you now not acknowledging the truth of your goodness, what you have to offer to others, the gift that you are?

 

We spend tremendous amounts of energy hiding from the truth.  No wonder we’re so tired out at times.  Once we acknowledge the truth, it’s like a heavy weight is lifted from our shoulders and we begin to know what it is to walk through life with a bit of a lilt in our step. 

 

For years I hid the truth of who I was.  I hid it from others and I hid it from myself.  I lived in a prison of fear and struggle, fighting these feelings I had for those of my own sex.  After all, if I was “one of those” I was told I was headed to hell!  I will always remember the spring day when I first uttered those words out loud:  “I am gay.”  I was shaking.  I was so frightened; . . . and yet exhilarated at the same time as I felt myself being freed.  And you know what?  After I said it, the world didn’t come to an end.  As a matter of fact it felt like a two ton weight was lifted off of me.  The truth set me free.

 

Perhaps there is a truth within that you are struggling to acknowledge.  It might be a negative behavior that you’re hiding, or it might be realizing and acknowledging your giftedness.  Perhaps it might be good to sit and feel the weight, the pressure, all the energy that you’re spending hiding that truth.  Do you really want to live this way?  The first step to living more fully is acknowledging the truth.  In A.A. they say: “We ADMITTED we were powerless over alcohol.”  It is the admission, the acknowledgement that is the first step to freedom.  The truth will set us free!


Are You Afraid?

I think of various people in my life and the fear that they carry.  I think of friends who are unemployed, dealing with family situations, fearing for their children’s future, trying to make ends meet, trying to support a partner who is depressed, a friend who battles panic disorder – somewhat brought on by the “fear of God” instilled in her as a child.  I think of those in far distant lands who daily live in fear for their lives – people in Iraq, Darfur and Zimbabwe.  I think too of the fear that I carry within me about my future and my job as a gay man in church ministry.  There is a lot of fear out there and a lot of fear within.  So how do we alleviate some of this fear?
Trust.

Do you know one of those people who, despite life’s circumstances, continue to trust that God will indeed take care of them?  I know of a man who has been unemployed for almost a year now, recently divorced, trying to care for his three children.  He is one of the happiest, most peaceful, self giving people I know.  I’m sure he has his moments, but in general he exudes a sense of peacefulness and trust.  Wouldn’t that be a great way to go through life?  After all, does all our worry make any difference at all?

If I am in fear, can I take a step in trust today and live a little more peacefully and positively, trusting that somehow things will work out?  Can I see God as a loving, good parent who wants the best for His/Her children?  Easier said than done I know.  Some days it might be easier and other days more difficult.  That’s ok.  But just a small step in trust might help us get on with life and what we need to do.  And really, wouldn’t that be a much better way to go through life?