Category Archives: Relationships

THE MOST AWESOME ORGASM!

NOTE: I AM FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO POST EVERYDAY, LET ALONE A FEW TIMES A WEEK. FOR THOSE WHO READ THIS BLOG, I WILL TRY TO POST EVERY SUNDAY, THEN PERHAPS SOME DAY OR DAYS DURING THE WEEK, BUT AT THE MINIMUM I WILL TRY TO POST EVERY SUNDAY. Enjoy the journey!

We all chase after it, in one way or another. We somehow expect that in this life we will find total fulfillment and happiness whether it be through our spouse/partner, that “perfect someone,” through our work, our house, our car, friends, our children, our church, synagogue, temple or mosque, our guru – our favorite self help writer, our minister, priest and the like. Somehow all of us expect perfect happiness on this side of life, whether we’re aware of it or not.

Think about it. We place high expectations on our boyfriend/girlfriend, our spouse, friends, spiritual path, church and even ourselves to bring us happiness and fulfillment. Somehow we expect that one day we will arrive, we will find perfect serenity, perfect consummation, perfect happiness – the perfect orgasm through one of these means.

We all feel a fundamental sense of disconnection – from our Source and from one another.. And this very incompletion makes us continually reach beyond ourselves to find completion, be it in a person, place, thing or philosophy/spirituality. And this is good. But the sooner we realize that none of this will EVER make us FULLY complete, connected, happy, etc – the more peaceful we will ultimately be. Our expectations of one another, our spouses, of possessions and even of our spiritual path become realistic.

Ronald Rolheiser, in his book The Holy Longing: The Search for A Christian Spirituality, has a great chapter on sexuality – this Divine energy which drives us to seek completion and fulfillment outside of ourselves because we all feel a sense of incompletion. Yet, he says, the truth is, we all live with the “frustration of a lifelong, unfinished symphony” (c.f. p.205ff). On this side of life we will never find the perfect orgasm, the perfect person, or constantly live in a state of total fulfillment. The good news is, the sooner we accept this, the sooner we will stop expecting people or things to bring us the total fulfillment that only Divine fulfillment can. And, consequently, the happier we will be. Much pain and sadness in life comes from disappointment born of dashed expectations that this person or thing will completely fulfill us.

So face it, we’re never going to have the perfect orgasm. Ironically, when we realize this, the more connected and fulfilled we will feel.

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I WANT LOTS OF SEX!

OK, now that I have your attention . . .

It’s true. I really do want lots of sex – but not just the hot, passionate, genital kind.

I’m re-reading a book by Ron Rolheiser called The Holy Longing: The Search For a Christian Spirituality. In it, he has a great chapter on sexuality. I’d like to quote one of his definitions of sexuality:

“Sexuality is an all encompassing energy inside of us. In one sense, it is identifiable with the principle of life itself. It is the drive for love, communion, community, friendship, family, affection, wholeness, consummation, creativity, self-perpetuation, immortality, joy, delight, humor and self-transcendence (p.194).”

That’s the kinda sex I want! It’s about being connected on a wide variety of levels. It’s about connection and creativity, about living life fully!

I find that some, even me (yes me, can you believe it?? LOL!) collapse the totality of what sexuality is into simply its genital expression. Over indulgence in porn or sex has the potential of actually sapping our life energy, instead of adding to it. It can leave us empty and only half a person. Instead of feeling more connected to life, we can end up feeling separate and alone. Ultimately we seek connection – that sense of eternity and wholeness we once had before we were born into this physical universe. And on this side of life, we seek and find this wholeness in creative energies, art, music, friendship, family, solitude, life giving work and self giving love. It is when I am balanced on lots of these levels that I feel the most whole and horny – in a healthy, life giving way.

So I say, bring it on baby! That’s the kinda sex I want – and I want LOTS of it!


Setting The Table

Visions of days past loom like distant memories
When I would gather them

Songs of passion, dreams of a different shore – a way for us to be – that seemed within reach

A heart that beat with affect and hope, open and seeking – dashed – yet like the phoenix,
Rising from the ashes
Flying again into your heart.

The gravity of ashes now speak: “lay here”
Rebirth – a distant belief
Voices of sunrise silenced
Visions of setting the last table become the heart’s
company

Visions. Songs. Dreams. Heart.
Has the Song found it’s end? Is the table to be
set?

The Vision still has its time. Here . . . A spark.


Am I Good News?

“Go into the whole world and proclaim the good news!” (Mark 16: 15)

I remember my Mom growing up saying of this or that person “he’s bad news.” The message was obvious, stay clear of him and for God’s sake, don’t be like him! Jesus in the Gospel says to his disciples that they are to go into the whole world and proclaim the good news.

Am I good news? Or am I bad news? Is my life a reflection of good news for people? Does my presence brighten the world around me, or does it drain others?

Our lives are meant to be a reflection of the good news. I am called to point to and reflect what is good about life. This challenges me to think if that, indeed, is a reality in my life? If I gossip or tear others down, I am not a reflection of what is good. If I complain all the time, point out what is wrong with others or the world, I am not good news. If I berate myself every time I look in the mirror, I am not good news.

Go, let your life be a proclamation of the good news! Your reflection of what is good will have a ripple affect on the world. Our lives really do matter!


What A Jerk!

“No prophet gains acceptance in his native place.” (See Luke 4: 24)

Ain’t it true?

I know of a minister who voluntarily left a large church at which he served as Pastor for a number of years. He no longer could agree with the teachings of his church, especially regarding women, gay people, divorce and re-marriage and, in his case, mandatory celibacy as a requirement for ministry. He no longer could agree with official teaching on who was acceptable at the table and who was not, who was acceptable as a minister and who was not, who could get married and who could not, who could adopt and who could not. He left, and hearing the call of a number of people to continue his ministry, he started his own church. It is a small, fledgling church in a humble chapel, but one can calmly feel the presence of Spirit in that gathering of people. Unfortunately, this very minister, whose compassion and genuine interest in people is palatable, and whose desire is to someday be a good husband and father – in addition to being a minister – is being called a “sinner” and people are being warned of his “grave error.”

Prophets are indeed not accepted in their own place. I pray for this man and admire his courage in the face of religious officials who now shun him.

OK, let’s bring it home. It’s easy for me to admire someone who stands in agreement with my opinions. But let’s take someone in my life who has had the courage to lovingly, but firmly, challenge me to get back on the path and deal with an issue in my life. My first reaction usually isn’t that good. Those of you who have a partner (friend or other family member) know that sometimes your partner can challenge you – hopefully in love. And oftentimes our first reaction isn’t so loving in return. BUT, if we sit back and take the time to reflect on what they are saying – we just might find that instead of being rude, insensitive, arrogant jerks – they may have been speaking the truth out of love and concern. And maybe if I heed their call and make some changes, I just might be a happier, more fulfilled person.

Who are the prophets in your life? Instead of demonizing them, can I step back and hear the truth that they are speaking to me in love?


In Your Face

Sometimes love demands that we get in someone’s face. When we see someone we love doing something which is harming them, love demands that we say something. Sometimes these words can and need to be strong, . . . but always said in love. If we do not say anything, we fail in love. Again, these words must always be said in love. Parents know this full well when they correct their children and at times forcefully demand a correction of bad behavior. It is out of concern, not simply anger.

As we continue to celebrate light in the midst of darkness, sometimes getting in someone’s face can be a way of lighting the way to a better life for them. Indeed, it is perhaps the most loving thing we can do, yet one of the most difficult. I am grateful for those in my past who have had the courage to get in my face and helped me onward to a new way of living.


Healing Presence

Did you ever know someone in whose presence you felt connected, peaceful and refreshed?  We literally are healed by such people.  We draw strength from them.  When we walk about life alone, or trying to do it all ourselves this may work for a while.  But gradually we loose our life force and begin to whither on the vine.  Conversely when we open ourselves to healing presence in others, life takes on new meaning and it’s as if our spirit comes alive with this new food.  “Not by bread alone do we live!”  We need the “food” of others in order to live well in this life.

Some of us, because of past hurts, tend to crawl into our shells, afraid to depend on others, afraid to open our hearts or even ask for simple help.  Perhaps this initially feels the safer way to go about life; but gradually we begin to die, perhaps not physically, but our spirits begin to whither.  Is this any way to live?

It’s no accident that creeds, mission statemets and the 12 Steps begin with the word “we.”  None of us can do it alone.  Yes, in opening ourselves to others, to groups, to churches, to lovers – we may indeed get hurt.  But what’s the alternative?   A safe, but lifeless existence?

Who are the people from whom you can draw healing and strength?  How are you called to be healing presence for others?